


like glitter and gold

by Zoa



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Historical, Attempt at some accuracy but i'm not being too picky, Blood and Injury, California Gold Rush, Eventual Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, Fever, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Gun Violence, Historical, Historical Inaccuracy, Historical Locations, I'm not sure when exactly or how explicit it will be to be honest, Idiots in Love, Illnesses, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mail Order Brides, Marriage, Mild Sexual Content, Miscommunication, Miscommunication galore, Not heavily referenced, Pregnancy, Religious Content, Sensual Shaving, Slow Burn, Slow Pace, Some angst, alluded to alcoholism, eventual pregnancy, in Rey's past, mild violence, more tags to be added as I go along, our main characters don't abuse it, probably not very, real places get the fictional treatment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 23,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoa/pseuds/Zoa
Summary: 1848: Rey Niima answers the request to be the wife for a man in a California gold rush town. As time goes by, the relationship becomes something more than either party expect.Title from Barns Courtney's song "Glitter & Gold"
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 332
Kudos: 468





	1. Arrival

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY. So, I've been wanting to do a mail-order bride fic for awhile because it's such a fun trope and I love historical au's, so I'm throwing my modest hat into a ring already full of wonderful fics! I also wanted a lighter fic to go to right now because life sucks and I'm having trouble focusing on my heavier works at the moment. The chapters for this one will most likely vary in length - depends on my mood - and I'm not stressing about it. I hope you enjoy!

The thunder of wagon wheels, calls of sailors, and the screech of sea gulls greeted Rey as she disembarked from the steamer, _Jakku,_ onto the dock in San Francisco. Clutching the tattered carpet bag that held everything she owned in the world to her chest, Rey maneuvered down the dock toward the street ahead, eyes peering through the busy crowds she bumped and stumbled against for the person she was meeting.

It was a mild spring day and the salty breeze from the ocean brought with it a slight chill, despite the brilliant California sun. Nonetheless, sweat dot Rey’s forehead as she moved between the swarm of bodies on the dock and street and caused her to regret donning her green dress, which looked the best on her but was heavier fabric for the freezing Boston winters.

Just when Rey had given up on finding the man she was looking for, her eyes found the tallest figure on the street, standing with a straight spine outside a fishmonger, the smell of that shop thankfully carried away by the wind.

There was the man she was to marry.

He was dressed in dark clothing which seemed a bit loose on him, and Rey supposed it would be if he wasn’t getting three straight meals a day as he’d told her in his letters.

The scar on his cheek was the defining feature he’d said she would recognize him by, though, despite his vivid description, she wasn’t prepared for how severely it cut across his otherwise youthful face, growing more so as she approached. He didn’t mention the moles sprinkled over his cheeks or his pronounced nose, nor his full lips, now reddened from the way he was worrying them with his teeth. Then again, who thought of such things when describing themselves to a person they’d never met? Rey’s own description of herself was sparse, only mentioning her basic features and the three buns she usually wore her hair in, which was terribly out of fashion. In fact, it had never been fashion in the first place, a remnant of her childhood she had yet to forsake.

Rey paused a moment before stepping into the eye-line of the man who was soon to be her husband. Perhaps she should have been more nervous, even scared. She didn’t know him, only having two letters and the personal he’d written by which to sum up his character:

_Miner, 32 years old, height 6 feet 3 inches, dark hair and eyes; has gold claim in California hills. In need of capable woman no younger than 22 who can cook, sew, care after animals and general homestead - in other words doesn’t mind hard work. Will be well provided for. Object: companionship and matrimony._

To the point. Then again, all the personals in _Marriage Digest_ were concise. Still, there was something about Ben Solo’s that drew her to it. Maybe desperation to escape her own hellish situation, maybe his use of the word ‘companionship’.

He was lonely; so was she.

All Rey wanted was to escape Boston and find a new life. A secure and safe one, one where she didn’t have to worry about where she slept at night or when or from where her next meal came. Solo’s personal said he’d provide. If in exchange he wanted companionship and a cook, then to her it was a happy arrangement.

“Miss Niima?”

A low, rumbling tone like distant thunder reached her among the cacophony of the busy dock. He was looming over her now, his broad form blocking out the midday sun.

His eyes were indeed dark and his hair darker, but looked soft. He smelled of hyssop and was freshly shaven. Rey almost smiled and damn it if she didn’t blush. He’d cleaned himself up for her.

Well, that was something.

“Yes. You're Mister Solo?”

“Yes.” He dipped his head and for a moment his wide-brimmed hat hid his eyes from her. “Pleased to meet you, ma’am.” Those dark eyes revealed themselves once again when he lifted his head and found her carpet bag. “Is that all you have?”

“Yes.” Rey blushed again, this time in embarrassment. She did tell him she was poor. He didn’t seem to care in his last letter, even generously sending along some money for her passage. But now she wondered what he thought of her patched dress and faded bag, her lack of gloves, and aged brown bonnet.

“Good.” He grunted, surprising her. “The judge is waiting for us.” Her expression must have betrayed her confusion because he added, with a hint of pink crossing his own pale cheeks: “To marry us.”

Oh. Of course. His last letter had informed her that they would wed when she arrived. Foolishly, she hadn’t thought it would be the exact minute she stepped ashore. But then, there was no good reason to wait.

“Right,” she bobbed her head and straightened her shoulders, “we shouldn’t keep him waiting any longer.”

The next thing she knew the carpet bag was taken from her hands and he’d offered his arm to her. Rey tentatively looped her arm through his before he led the way down the dusty street; a gentleman, then. At least, as of now.

Maybe he’d spit out a wad of tobacco later and tell her to clean his muddyboots.

Maybe he was really a brute and all of this was a facade. Though from the way he gingerly guided her away from a cart that toppled over in front of them, Rey thought not. He was quiet, but she didn’t sense secrecy. Rey figured he was simply a man of few words. His letters, much like his personal, were to the point. Beautifully scrawled, but concise. There couldn’t be anything terrible in a man who possessed such lovely handwriting.

Such a romantic notion, she scolded herself. She’d known the man in person for barely five minutes. His handwriting was no indication of his character.

All the same, whatever came of her marriage, it was certainly not going to be any worse than Boston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'Marriage Digest' is a spin on a real newspaper called 'Matrimonial News' which carried personal ads both men and women sent out.


	2. Traveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben converse on the road.

Rey curled and uncurled her fingers against the simple gold band that now adorned her hand, its pair decorating the hand of the quiet man who’d placed it on her. She remembered it was cold when her new husband slipped it over her finger, but the metal had warmed quickly against her near feverish skin. The wedding - a generous description - was brief and to the point. There wasn’t even a kiss because another couple was right behind them and the judge was in a hurry. Rey didn’t know if she was disappointed or not about that.

“I had it made from gold I panned in my creek.”

Turning to her left, Rey looked to the man who sat beside her, holding the reigns to the one-horse wagon that was taking them to his homestead. He must have noticed her fiddling with her new wedding band.

“This is your gold?” She looked at the ring, this time marveling at it. At how it had once been in a muddy riverbed and now it glittered in the light, as if it were a captured beam of the sun. “Thank you,” she murmured. “It’s lovely.”

“It’s your gold now, too, I suppose,” he said with a shrug, his eyes focused on the lonely road ahead. “Isn’t that how marriage works? What’s mine is yours?”

“I suppose.” Rey turned her own eyes toward the path. “I’m not used to it yet.”

He grunted. “Think it works that fast?”

“I don’t know. I thought I would feel differently,” she admitted. “But I don’t.”

“Neither do I.”

Redwoods rose up on either side of them, blocking out the sun and creating a strange shimmering in the air. It was magical, if not somewhat frightening. Rey hadn’t seen such big trees before.

“Mister Solo, why did you want a wife?” She asked, attempting to fill the silence that had fallen between them. She hoped she succeeded in keeping her tone light and curious, not judgmental.

“You read my personal.” Rey glanced at him to see he was looking at her with a frown.

“Yes.” In fact, she still had it, tucked away in a little box in her bag. A strange sentimentality had overtaken her after all was said and done and she’d wanted to keep it for some reason. “Besides that, though. Was there any other reason?”

“No.” The answer was neither curt nor thoughtful. It was said simply as fact.

Rey hummed and fell into her own thoughts for awhile, wondering if this was how all conversations were to go with him.

“Why did you answer it?” he asked, pulling her out of her reverie, much to her surprise.

“I wanted to leave Boston.” Her own answer was just as matter-of-fact as his. “There wasn’t anything for me there.”

“You said as much in your last letter.”

“So I did.”

She wasn’t too inclined to provide more than that just yet. He seemed to understand, because he didn't pursue it, instead asking: 

“Why mine?”

“Yours…” Rey pressed her lips together as she considered the question. “Yours seemed more straightforward than any of the others. And now I know that I was right.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re exactly who you said you were.”

A frown appeared between his brows. “I don’t lie.”

“No,” she looked to him and nodded thoughtfully when he met her gaze. “I don’t think you do.”

A hint of pink touched his cheeks and he quickly averted his eyes. “Was the crossing alright?” he asked gruffly, changing the subject. “I hear it can be rough.”

“A few died in Panama,” Rey admitted, frowning at the memory of the poor souls who would never step foot on earth again. “But not as many as could have. Did you not go that way when you came here?”

He shook his head. “I took the overland route. I was already in the Plains when I decided to stake a claim here.”

“I see.”

There was a sense of finality to the conversation after that, even though she wondered as to why he was in the Plains. But he didn’t seem as if he would be open to answering such a question, so Rey sank back into her seat.

“You can call me Ben.” Apparently abrupt statements after long moments of silence were his _modus_ _operandi_. He must have read her bashful silence as discomfort because he added, in tone Rey could only describe as disappointed: “Unless you don’t want to.”

“No,” she rushed to amend the mistake. “I mean, I’d like to. It’s only fitting. You do the same. I mean, call me Rey.”

“Right.”

Silence reigned until they stopped for the night.

****

“Will we have to camp overnight again?” Rey asked, not attempting to hide her anxiety about the prospect. Darkness surrounded them, the trees making strange noises beyond the light of the fire her husband built. A distant howl reached her ears, followed by a few more. She didn’t like that at all and edged a bit closer to the fire.

“No. Placerville’s not that far and my claim’s only a few miles past town. It’s only tonight,” he responded, laying out a bedroll. One bedroll, she noticed with a frown quickly followed by a very hot blush. She didn’t know if he’d noticed or not but was nonetheless relieved when he straightened and said: “You sleep. I’ll keep watch.”

Curiosity and some concern replaced her relief. “What about you?” she asked. “Won’t you sleep?”

“I don’t get much sleep anyway,” he said, going to the wagon and returning with a rifle Rey hadn’t noticed before. Ben sat beside the fire, his back up against a fallen tree for support, legs stretched out, the gun across his lap. Rey moved to the bedroll and lowered herself down to what looked like a well-used blanket. There were a couple of holes in it she would have to mend when she got the chance.

“Are you sure?” she asked with a frown; he must have been up for ages already. “I can… I can stay up for awhile if…”

“It’s fine.” The answer was short and clipped, then, more quietly, “you’ve had a long journey. Get some rest. I’ll sleep when we get home.”

_When we get home_.

Those words echoed through Rey’s head as she lay back and raised her eyes to the stars.

_When we get home._

_We._


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben introduces Rey to the Solo homestead.

It was mid-afternoon when they arrived at Ben’s homestead, which consisted of a cabin, a shed, a small barn, and a smaller structure Rey assumed was the outhouse, all surrounded by a copse of trees. Ben helped Rey off the wagon and when her feet hit the dirt she noticed the creek he’d spoken about, the origin of the gold on her finger. It flowed down from the wooded hills behind the house, where Rey imagined the rest of Ben’s claim lay. How far was it, she wondered.

_How long will he be gone each day?_

A cow mooed from the barn, followed by a few squawks Rey assumed were chickens, and Ben grunted as he took Rey’s bag from the bed of the wagon. There were a few other things in there, too: some tools Rey imagined were for the mine and sacks filled with flour and apples and other foods. There seemed to be enough there for a month at least.

“I’ll show you the house,” he said, “then I need to take care of the animals.”

Rey nodded and followed Ben to the tiny structure that was her new home. The wood floor creaked beneath her feet as she entered the one-room cabin behind him. A fire place was set into the wall on one side - a cast iron pan and trivet sat inside, his only cooking tools from what Rey could see - while a table and a couple of chairs took up space in the center. Rey’s eyes drifted to the other side of the room, to the large bed that was pushed up against the wall and, stars, the the flames that heated her cheeks…

A throat cleared and Rey twisted round to find her new husband watching her.

“It’s not much,” Ben said with a shrug and placed her old carpet bag on one of the chairs at the table. “But it’s clean.”

That it was.

“It’s nice,” Rey said honestly. “You’ve hardly left me anything to do.”

Ben snorted and Rey saw amusement flicker across his face. Before he left to tend to the animals, he turned to her and said: “Trust me, there’s always something to do.”

****

Rey didn’t know where to put her books. True, she only possessed three - the Bible, a torn up novel about star-crossed lovers, and book of German poetry she couldn’t understand yet couldn’t part with - but there wasn’t a shelf in the house other than the pantry by the stove to place anything. At the moment they were lying on the bed, awaiting a final decision. Her meager assortment of clothing was placed in the large, wooden chest at the foot of his bed, as that seemed to be the place for them. A blush lit her cheeks as she gingerly placed her folded personal items beside some of his things, kneeling at it so she could move some of them around. She hoped he didn’t mind.

The books went on top. For now.

Married life was going to take some adjustment.

She’d changed while he was out, substituting her traveling dress with a simpler, faded yellow calico, and removed her bonnet.

“You really do wear your hair like that.”

Rey jumped up and put a hand to her chest, heart beating wildly. A guilty expression passed over Ben’s face where he stood in the doorway.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s alright,” Rey took a calming breath and managed a slight smile. “No harm done.”

He nodded and stepped further in to put the sack of potatoes he was carrying down on the table. _His_ entrance may have startled Rey, but the gigantic, grey-brown monster that padded in behind him truly frightened her.

“B-Ben…”

“What?” He followed her terrified gaze to the creature and snorted. “Oh. That’s Sadie.”

‘Sadie’ was the biggest wolf Rey thought she’d ever seen. The _only_ wolf Rey had ever seen besides drawings in newspapers. And now it was standing in her new house, watching her with intelligent, if wary, amber eyes.

“She’s… she’s yours?” Rey didn’t mean to sound breathless but she didn’t really remember how to draw in oxygen anymore.

“In a way. C’mere,” Ben beckoned Rey to come forward. “I promise she won’t bite.” To prove his point, he scratched the animal behind her pointed ears, causing her eyes to close and head to tilt in his direction.

Rey, not really having any choice but to trust the man who apparently kept a wolf as a pet, took a few steps but stopped when Sadie whipped her attention back to her, body stiff.

“I don’t think she wants me to come any closer.”

“Here,” Ben reached into his waistcoat pocket and drew out some jerky. “Put it in your palm, face up, fingers closed. Like a horse,” he instructed and slid the jerky across the table to Rey. She picked it up and did as he said, stretching out her hand to the not quite domesticated wolf.

Sadie’s black nose twitched and she padded toward the jerky. Rey shivered but stayed still as the wolf’s canines scraped her palm when she took the offered treat.

To Rey’s great surprise, Sadie then licked her palm and sat down in front of her, bushy tail brushing against the floor as it wagged. Rey glanced at Ben and saw the slightest upturn of his mouth.

“She likes you.”

****

Sadie was an orphan, Ben explained, a pup he found half-dead one day close to the mine in the hills. He got her healthy, raised her, but didn’t try to tame her. There was no fighting the wolf in her, he said. Nonetheless, she accepted him as her pack and stayed around.

Rey wished she’d had someone to care for her like that.

As short as the story was - most likely shorter since Ben tended not to mince his words - it gave Rey a clear insight into his character. One that put her more at ease.

He wasn’t a brute or crazy or any of the other things she’d feared. For once, it seemed, Fate had been kind.

“I’m glad for her,” Rey said as she put down a plate of roasted rabbit, fried potatoes, and a piece of a sourdough loaf Ben had bought in San Francisco on the table in front of him. The wolf in question was laying at Ben’s feet beside where he sat. “I think I’ll feel safer here while you’re mining with her around.”

“Uh huh.”

There was an odd note to his voice and Rey frowned as she settled into the chair opposite his to start on her own dinner.

“Is something wrong?” she asked tentatively, wondering if she’d somehow made a mistake or done something she shouldn’t. He was staring at his plate like he’d never seen the like of it before.

He seemed to force his gaze away from his food to meet hers. “It’s been awhile,” he admitted, “since I’ve had a meal like this. Thank you.”

“Oh.” Rey pressed her lips together. She knew all too well what it was like to go hungry and he was obviously embarrassed. He lowered his eyes again and his dark hair shielded his face from her; Rey had the urge to brush it away. At least, she didn’t want to cause him anymore discomfort. “Then you should eat. Before it gets cold.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a low noise Rey thought might have been a laugh. He proceeded to eat, hungrily but not rudely, and Rey followed suit.

“What other animals do you have?” She asked after a time. “I heard the cow earlier, and maybe chickens?”

“Yep. Cow and a few chickens. Cost me a price to get ‘em but eggs and milk are expensive out here, so in the long run it’s worth the money.” He wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin Rey had found among his things. Never before used, she’d surmised, from how far down in the trunk they were.

“I’m not experienced with cows,” she said. “But I have tended chickens before.”

“There’s a garden, too. Behind the barn. Haven’t started anything yet, but I figured with you coming…”

When Rey raised her eyes to respond, she was gratified to see that he’d finished his food and was sopping up the juices with the piece of sourdough.

“I don’t know if I’m any good at growing things, but I’ll be glad to take care of it,” she supplied.

“I bought seeds in Placerville last week.” Ben leaned back in his chair, having finished the bread with one more bite. “Vegetables and, um,” he cast his eyes down, “some flowers…”

“Flowers?” Rey repeated with surprise.

“I thought you might like them. You said in your second letter you were fond of roses.”

An embarrassed blush crept over Rey’s cheeks. “You keep surprising me with these sweet things but I don’t have anything for you.”

“You gave me this fine meal, and your company.” Ben seemed quite earnest. “I’ve only had Sadie to talk to. She’s good company, but not much of a conversationalist. And she can’t cook.”

Much to her own surprise - and Ben’s from the look on his face - Rey laughed.

“I’m sorry,” she pressed a hand over her mouth to stifle another giggle. “I was imagining Sadie in an apron!”

At first confusion swept over his face but was soon replaced by a lopsided smile and Rey was certain she’d never seen a more charming sight.

****

Though the atmosphere was light at dinner, the later it got, the more Rey kept glancing at the giant bed in the corner and the more nervous she got. She knew what was expected and was prepared for it, but that didn’t make the notion of bedding a man she barely knew any easier, even though he seemed very nice.

“Rey.”

She jumped in her chair. Her Bible was spread out on the table in front of her and she was supposed to be reading it but she’d been staring at the bed instead. Ben must have noticed. When she met his stare across the table, it wasn’t with as much courage as she would have liked.

“It’s time for bed,” he said gently. But when he stood, he made for the door, baffling Rey. 

“Where are you going?” She asked and he paused, glancing over his shoulder at her.

“I need to check the animals one more time. You change, get into bed. I’ll be back in a minute.”

The next second he was gone and she was alone, Sadie having followed him out.

A little more than a minute later, Rey was under the surprisingly soft quilt in her cotton nightgown. Though a bit colder than Rey expected for a California night and the fire in the fireplace had waned, Rey didn’t feel any chill.

Especially when Ben walked back in the room. Then the room went hotter than a furnace.

There was a single oil lamp on the dining table and by that light Rey watched him sit at the table, remove his boots, his socks, take off his suspenders and then his shirt.

Before she had a chance to fully see him, he doused the lamp and clambered into bed, only to turn on his side, away from her.

“Good night.”

Rey froze.

_Good night?_

For a few, long seconds, all she could do was stare at his broad form, hidden beneath the quilt.

“G-good night,” she finally echoed, sliding down until her head hit her pillow. What sort of a man had she married? Was he shy? Or perhaps uninterested in her?

Though inexperienced in such things, she couldn’t imagine a man would be so bashful as to not indulge in his marital privileges the first chance he got. So it had to be the latter.

Well, it wasn’t the worst thing. Though he said he wanted companionship, maybe he wasn’t concerned with _that_ kind of companionship. There were a few married couples in Boston she’d known who had a similar relationship and were quite content.

All the same, in spite of her earlier nerves, a dull sense of disappointment invaded her spirit.

She chalked it up to weariness and closed her eyes; mercifully, sleep found her quickly.


	4. Ambition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey learns of Ben's plans for his claim

Rey woke in time to see her husband and Sadie disappear out the door. It was early - very early if the darkness peeking through the door was any indication. But, if this was when he got up, then so would she.

It didn’t take her long to dress and find the coffee pot, nor did she have any trouble with the grits, though she wished she had something else for him. Eggs or bacon, maybe.

Just as she’d placed his bowl - almost overflowing with the grits - on the table at his place, Ben stomped through the door carrying a basket. He paused, dark eyes surveying the scene before him in the warm light of the dawn just outside.

“Good morning,” Rey greeted cheerfully. “I made breakfast.”

“I brought eggs,” he said and held up the basket with a jerky movement.

“Oh! I’ll fry them now,” she said as she plucked the basket from Ben’s grip. Her fingers brushed his and she tried very hard not to react but the touch sent warmth up her arm.

“Thanks,” was his murmured reply.

She nodded and gestured to his chair, avoiding his eyes. “Sit. It won’t take me long.”

Breakfast was spent in a similar quiet as dinner the night before. Rey didn’t mind. She understood he wasn’t a great talker.

But in the middle of his grits, Sadie meandered over and laid her head on his lap, giving a little whine. Rey figured she wanted his eggs but it was as if she’d reminded him of something, because right after he heaved a sigh and put his spoon down.

“Is everything alright?” Rey asked. “Are the eggs cooked the way you like?”

“No. I mean, yes, they’re perfect. Ah…” Rey watched him struggle with growing curiosity before his shoulders dropped in something akin to resignation. “About last night. I should explain…”

“No need.” Rey jumped in and he frowned. She blushed, but continued, despite the embarrassment. “I’m very glad we can be friends and quite content for that to be the nature of our relationship. It’s more than I’ve ever had.”

At first his expression was completely unreadable and Rey wondered if she’d said the wrong thing. Perhaps she had misread him? After a moment or two, though, he gave a curt nod.

“Right. Good,” he said, and returned his attention to his eggs.

Perhaps he was slightly ashamed or embarrassed. Perhaps Rey was reading too much into his blank expression as he poked at his eggs.

Yes, that was it. She was still getting used to his ways, after all.

“Do you go to the mine every day?” she asked, attempting to lighten the mood and move as far away as possible from the previous topic.

“Yes,” was his quiet reply.

Rey bit at her lower lip, unsure why speaking with him was suddenly more difficult. “Will you go today?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because of you.”

The words were abrupt but not rudely so. More like he was slightly embarrassed.

“Because of me?” Rey repeated. He lifted his eyes and gave a nod.

“I don’t want to go too far while you’re adjusting to the place. Just in case. I’ll spend the day at the creek.”

“Oh.” Rey’s cheeks went hot. “Thank you.” Another few moments of silence fell between them but Rey was still curious about his work. “How much gold have you found?”

Ben shrugged, lifting a bit of egg to his mouth. Once he finished chewing, he replied, “some. Not much but I know it’s there.” A gleam entered his eyes. “The creek flows down from the hill. I found the source and I know there’s a strong vein in there. I’ll find it.”

“What if you don’t?” Rey ventured, not trying to be discouraging but in her experience life didn’t always go the way you wanted. “What happens if you can’t find it?”

“I will.”

“But… what if it’s not there?” she pushed. “What will you do?”

He leaned back in his chair, a scowl etched across his strong features. “It’s there,” he insisted. “And I’ll find it.”

His tone didn’t invite any further discussion so Rey dropped the subject. If he was so stubborn as to not be prepared for failure, she wouldn’t press it. Besides, it didn’t really matter. He could dig and pan all he liked as long as he kept his promise to her.

Rey only hoped he didn’t kill himself in the process.

****

Hours later, Rey carried a basket of food to the creek, her husband’s lunch. Breakfast had ended rather abruptly after the conversation about his plans for the mine and she hoped to resolve the new awkwardness between them.

He wasn’t far, only a few yards down the creek; Sadie was napping under a tree nearby, the wind fluffing her shaggy coat every now and then. Rey paused before approaching, watching Ben dump muddy gravel into a contraption that looked like a child’s cradle, and use a lever to rock the thing as he poured creek water into it, presumably sifting out the gold. It looked dreadfully tedious.

In any case, he was surely hungry.

She continued on but Ben was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t notice her until she spoke.

  
“Ben?”

He stiffened and whirled around, nearly knocking the mining cradle into the water, but reached out in time to prevent disaster. Rey took a step back, guilty she had nearly cost him possibly hours of work.

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

He held up a hand. “It’s fine, Rey. I’m not, uh,” his mouth quirked up in an almost smile, “not used to someone else being around. Someone who doesn’t howl, that is.”

Perhaps his creek venture was going well because his mood was definitely improved since breakfast.

Rey returned a relieved smile. “I understand. Nonetheless, I’ll be more careful next time. I brought lunch.” She held up the basket like an offering and his eyes traveled to it with a curious light.

“Lunch?”

“Some bread, beans, and dried venison. It’s not much but it’ll get you through to dinner.” She placed the basket on a nearby tree stump. Sadie darted over, giant black nose twitching, presumably at the scent of the venison.

Ben grunted. “I don’t eat lunch normally…” Rey’s disappointment must have been obvious because he added in a bit of rushed way, “but I don’t usually think about it either. I get caught up in my work, as you’ve seen.” He glanced meekly at the creek.

“Will it be alright if I continue to bring you lunch then?” Rey asked timidly, not wanting to interrupt his work unnecessarily. “Or would a bigger dinner be better?”

“Lunch,” he answered, more quickly than Rey expected. “It’ll, uh, do me good to have a midday meal.”

“Yes,” Rey nodded, “I think it would.” She hoped his choice might also have something to do with wanting to see her. Shaking off that thought, she gestured at the basket. “So, eat! I’ll be back later for the basket.”

She was going to return to the house when a large hand reached out and touched her arm, retracting nearly instantly when she lifted her gaze to Ben’s face. It was hard to tell under his hat, but she thought she saw him blush.

“You could stay, if you want. I wouldn’t mind the company.”

Sadie woofed in such a way that, if Rey didn’t know better, she’d think was indignant but Ben shot the wolf a scowl as if in response. Rey knew people often talked to their pets like other people, but wondered if Ben might have developed a worse habit of thinking the creature talked back. All the more reason for her to stay and give him some human interaction for a change.

“Alright. If you don’t mind.”

****

They talked awhile of simple things. What could be done to improve the homestead - Ben was thinking about digging a root cellar - and how to milk the cow. Eventually, though, the conversation turned toward Rey’s life.

“I have to say,” Ben swallowed back a chunk of bread, “I’m mighty curious about how someone from England ended up here. You never said in your letters you were English.”

“No, I suppose I didn’t.” Rey slumped back against the tree stump beside which they were sitting. “It’s not really much of a story. My parents and I emigrated to the States when I was nine and then…” she took in a breath. “Then they died. Cholera.”

It was just a small lie.

“I’m sorry.” Ben’s tone was gentle but she avoided looking at him. “What happened after?”

“I was taken in by the man who ran the immigrant boarding house. I worked for him until,” this time she did glance at him and saw his face was carefully blank, “until I married you.”

Ben’s head tilted to one side and Rey got the distinct notion he was studying her. “Why did you want to leave Boston?”

He’d asked a similar question on the road to the cabin and, like then, Rey wasn’t fully prepared to answer.

“Why do you want to mine gold?” she retorted. “It seems a mostly futile venture to me.”

“It might be,” he admitted. “But it’s the one I set myself on.”

“Then take that as my answer as well. Leaving Boston and coming here is the path I set for myself.” Rey brushed some dirt off her skirt as she rose. “I should get back.”

Ben stood as well and as he did stepped a bit closer, towering over her and reminding her of how broad he was. She looked up, allowing herself a moment to think on his unique face. He wasn’t unattractive, by any means. His features were not typical, especially his full mouth and large nose, but that only made her appreciate them more.

She thought he was beautiful.

A tiny, sad voice in her head reminded her that he probably didn’t feel the same about her.

“Thank you,” he said, bringing Rey out of her thoughts. “For lunch. And for staying.”

Then he leaned down and brushed her cheek with the briefest kiss. A friendly one, she told herself, to calm her heart and douse the heat in her cheeks. Nothing more than a gesture of friendship.

All the same, it was too much.

“See you for dinner,” Rey burst, ducking away and grabbing the basket.

She hurried back down the path worn into the grass, but dared a glance back and saw he was watching her. Rey raised her hand in a wave which he returned before resuming his work. Back to tossing mud into the cradle before rocking it like it was some strange water-child.

It _was_ tedious, but she couldn’t help understanding his determination.

Just her luck she’d married someone as stubborn as she was.


	5. Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unwelcome visitors on the homestead lead to some impromptu lessons in self-defense.
> 
> Also, Sadie's a badass wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W for threatened violence and mild gun violence

A week or so passed and in that time the newlyweds settled in nicely to the new routines. Up just before dawn, Ben would go out and feed the animals while Rey dressed and prepared breakfast, always making the eggs he brought in. After he left it was up to Rey to milk the cow and store the milk in the new springhouse at the creek behind the cabin. After that she tended to the garden. She’d already planted the roses on wooden trellises Ben had built. They framed the garden and would make a lovely gate when they grew. In addition to the roses, there were cabbages, tomatoes, corn, and potatoes. A few things were already peeking through, leaving Rey optimistic about her gardening skills.

After the garden, she turned to tidying up what little there was to do in the house before focusing her attention on the backlog of mending his clothes and doing laundry. She didn’t know how he had anything to wear considering the state of his wardrobe when she found it.

This particular day, however, she spent all morning churning butter - her third attempt that week - and was proud of the result this time. At lunch, she carefully set some of it into the basket of Ben’s food, glad she could finally give him something to slather on his bread.

Sadie was lazing in the sun outside when Rey stepped out with her basket. The wolf had taken to spending her mornings at the cabin but would trot out to the creek with Rey at lunch and remain there with Ben until dinner time.

Rey looked forward to those lunches. Though they hadn’t been together long, Rey sensed a friendship developing between she and Ben, one for which she was grateful. He was quiet, but never seemed to mind listening to her. There had been sparks of argument between them once or twice but nothing serious. Yet. Rey didn’t doubt it would come but knew they would weather the storm. They had to.

“Come on, Sadie,” Rey leaned down to scratch the giant animal behind the ears in a gentle wake up call. “Time to go see Ben.”

Instantly Sadie got to her feet and shook out the sleep. Only, instead of leading the way down the path to the creek as usual, her ears perked up and she twisted around, facing Rey with a low growl.

Rey stiffened, a little afraid but even more so surprised. Sadie hadn’t done anything like that before.

“What’s wrong, girl?” Rey asked, voice shaking, desperately hoping Sadie hadn’t suddenly gone feral.

“Dangerous keepin’ a pet like that, ma’am.”

Rey gasped and spun so fast she nearly dropped her basket and saw the true focus of Sadie’s suspicion. Three men were standing in the yard between the cabin and the barn, all of them bearing arms of some kind. A stone sank straight to the bottom of Rey’s stomach and she took a step back, behind Sadie, whose hackles were raised along with a snarl revealing sharp canines.

“She is dangerous, to those who aren’t trustworthy,” Rey answered, more bravely than she felt. “What do you gentlemen want?”

“Hear that, boys?” the man in the middle looked at his companions with a sneer, “the lady thinks we’re ‘gentlemen’.”

The laughter that followed did not fill Rey with confidence as to the visitors’ intentions.

“I think you should move on,” she called, retreating until the door of the cabin hit her back. “Now. Before Sadie decides you aren’t welcome.”

“Oh? She looks tame enough to me…” one of the men stepped forward and Sadie’s growl deepened as she bared her teeth in a vicious snap. Rey was glad not to be on the receiving end of it. The man jumped back and glanced warily at his friends.

“Come on, just shoot the damn thing, Herb.”

Sadie barked, a blaring, warning sound which turned into more wild growls. Her ears were pinned back, jowls raised in the most fearsome display Rey had ever seen. It wouldn’t do any good against the gun aimed at her head.

_No._

A shot split the air and Rey cried out and looked away, certain Sadie had met a terrible fate. But, when she opened her eyes, the wolf was still very much alive.

And Ben was in the yard aiming a six-shooter at the intruders. A puff of dirt floated through the air near their feet where a warning bullet had grazed the earth. Rey didn’t know if she’d ever felt more relieved in her life, though that quickly passed when she realized Ben was still outnumbered.

“I suggest y’all leave before I put the next ones in your head,” he growled, sounding nearly as feral as Sadie. He didn’t seem fazed by the imminent danger.

The men immediately pointed their guns at him and Rey almost darted into the fray, desperate to stop the disaster playing out before her, except that Sadie already had, flanking the strange men in a slow, predator’s stalk. She snapped at one who turned on her, forcing him backward.

There was a shotgun hanging over the door inside the house, but Rey had no clue how to use it. Totally useless, Rey knew her best option was to stay put and hope Ben could _convince_ the strangers to leave.

“It’s three against one and a fucking dog,” the leader jeered. “Those don’t seem like great odds to me, mister.”

Ben gave a sharp whistle and a split second later one of the intruder's was on the ground, Sadie on top of him, her canines dangerously close to his throat. He yelped and flung his gun across the yard in his fall. The other two turned on Sadie but Ben’s pistol went off again, twice, and they dropped their weapons with a shout, clutching bleeding hands.

“I have three more bullets in this chamber. Don’t think I don’t know where to place ‘em.” Rey shuddered, never imagining her husband - the quiet, gentle, shy giant - could sound so dangerous.

There was a history behind that tone. A dark one. Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to know it.

“You leave,” Ben continued, “and never come back. Or I won’t hesitate to let Sadie rip your throats out and eat your livers for supper.” 

As if to prove the point, Sadie snapped her teeth with a vicious snarl and the man on the ground whimpered, face covered in the wolf’s saliva.

“Alright, alright! We’re leaving!” The two still standing sprinted toward the woods, leaving their comrade on the ground. No honor amongst thieves after all, Rey thought wryly. Ben whistled again and Sadie slowly backed away from her captive, though she didn’t stop snarling. He scrambled to his feet and hurried off after his friends, tripping a few times in the attempt. Sadie bolted after them, barking madly as she chased the strangers away from the homestead.

After a few moments Sadie loped back into the yard, tongue lolling out one side of her mouth. Ben scratched her head and stuck his gun into the belt of his pants before gathering up the dropped weapons and striding to the house. He dropped them by the door and turned to Rey. One large hand rose to cup her cheek in a featherlight touch, as if he were afraid of what would happen when his skin met hers. His eyes were full of worry and Rey understood instantly it was for her.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?”

“No.”

She did not say it with a trembling voice, or a scared jump. Rey was sharp and from the surprised expression on her husband’s face, he did not expect it.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, letting his hand drop in a disjointed sort of way. “If you want-”

“I want to know how to use the guns we have,” she interrupted, having a good idea of what he was about to say. ‘If she wanted to leave…’. Well, there would be none of that. She took her vows seriously: for better or worse. “I can’t help you protect this place properly - or myself - if I don’t have the skills.”

“Alright,” he said with a slow nod, eyeing her in a way that made Rey think he was amazed. “You’re right. I should have taught you before.”

“Well,” Rey straightened her shoulders. “As long as you’re here, you should eat. And then we can get started.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Ben removed his hat and, as it passed over his face, Rey caught the glimpse of a grin. It was gone when he turned to enter the house.

All the same, her heart jumped at the rare sight.

****

“Keep the stock tucked into your shoulder, like this,” Ben showed her what he meant, holding the shotgun up tight to his shoulder. “This thing has kick to it, so keep your stance wide and dig your heels into the ground. Understand?” Rey nodded. “Okay,” Ben blew out a breath and carefully handed the weapon over to Rey. “Watch the trigger.”

Rey nodded and did her best to mimic his stance, closing one eye and aiming down the sight of the shotgun at the makeshift target Ben had tacked to a tree - an old potato sack.

“Easy,” Ben murmured from behind her, “take a deep breath. Pull the trigger.”

Inhale.

Pull.

At the same time a branch from the wrong tree nearly hit Sadie where she was napping - sending her sprinting for the barn - the recoil caused Rey to drop the offending gun and stagger backward into Ben’s solid mass. His strong arms slipped around her waist, preventing her from hitting the ground, but also inadvertently - she thought - tugging her flush to his chest.

“Oh!” Rey gasped, shoulder aching like she’d just been punched.

Ben grunted at the impact but wasn’t otherwise moved. “Didn’t have your stance right.”

“I realize that.” Rey huffed, sending a strand of hair that had fallen over her face flying. His hands shifted, sliding over her bodice as he helped her straighten up, and her breath hitched. Maybe he didn’t notice. She hoped not. It took everything in her not to think about how one of his hands nearly spanned her entire waist or how solid and warm he was at her back. “So, um, what did I do wrong exactly?”

Did she sound breathless?

Ben came around to face her, a thoughtful expression as he observed her. “Show me how you were standing,” he said as he picked up the gun and handed it to her.

Relieved he apparently hadn’t noticed her flustered state, Rey repeated her stance. “Like this.”

“Ah. Hold on. Stay like that.”

To her mortification he reached down and his hands landed on her hips, turning them a faction, before he went behind her and lifted her elbow up, hovering close. Close enough his exhale lifted that loose strand hair.

“Okay. Heels planted.”

Did he sound strained?

Rey took a deep breath and focused, ignoring the way her heart pounded, the way his scent - woodsy and smoky - carried to her from behind.

With the exhale, she fired.

This time she managed to keep her balance for the most part, only taking a half step back.

Tree bark went flying but when Rey focused on the tree, she made a disgruntled noise. Yes, she’d hit the tree. Three feet above the target.

“Damn it.”

“Don’t worry,” Ben reached for the gun and though he tried to hide it, Rey noticed his smile. “It takes practice to hit a giant piece of burlap.”

Aghast, Rey’s mouth dropped open. “You’re laughing at me!”

He froze in reloading the gun, his lips pressed tight, eyes wide. “No.”

“You are!” She should have been irritated, maybe offended, but she wasn’t. Instead, she found herself fighting a grin of her own. “I was close!”

“True,” he nodded, another smile playing at his mouth. “Closer than the first one.” He offered her the shotgun again. “Wanna see if you can get even closer?”

Rey took the gun with a sniff. “There’s one thing you need to know about me, Ben Solo,” she lifted the weapon to her shoulder and aimed down the sight, “and that’s I don’t quit.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She heard the laughter in his voice and grinned as she pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the tree with a crack.

Right in the middle of the burlap sack.

Rey lowered the gun with a satisfied sigh. “There,” she turned to him. “How’s that?”

Her husband pushed his hat up and huffed. “I think we’ll make a frontierswoman out of you yet, Rey.”


	6. Disagreement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben leave the homestead and have a heated discussion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we see things from Ben's POV!

Rey frowned at the door. Breakfast was ready and Ben wasn’t back from the barn. They had plans to go to Placerville that day and he wanted to get an early start but he’d apparently lost sight of that somewhere between leaving the house and tending to the animals. Well, she’d just have to go and hurry him up.

The barn door was ajar when Rey approached and she heard a muttered curse from within. Curious, and a mite concerned, Rey pushed inside.

Sadie was laying in the horse’s stall, watching beside Falcon as Ben attempted to shave in front of a tiny sliver of jagged mirror glass propped up on a stack of hay bales. He was failing. One side of his face was somewhat clean but the other… well, he’d have to be careful moving his jaw. It was the most ineffective way of shaving she’d ever seen. And dangerous. The way he was holding his neck up _and_ trying to look in theglass was bound to end badly.

“Ben, what on earth are you doing?”

He started and his straight razor fell to the hay bale, thankfully without harming his throat. For a moment he stared blankly at her, one side of his face still dripping with soap. “Shaving,” he uttered finally.

“Why are you doing it like this?” she gestured at his thrown-together apparatus. His eyes followed her hand.

“I broke my mirror,” he mumbled and pointed at a pile of glass beside the hay bales.

Rey considered him with a frown. “Have you been shaving out here since I arrived?”

He nodded. “Didn’t want to wake you.”

“Well, you’re going to end up hurting yourself.”

Ben huffed, evidently exasperated. “Don’t really have a choice.”

“I can do it.” His eyes widened and Rey hesitated before adding, “come inside the house and I’ll make sure you don’t go into Placerville looking like a cougar attacked you.”

****

Rey had to stand between his legs to get close and tried very hard not to let his nearness cause her fingers to tremble. His eyes didn’t leave her face, his hands were clenched on his knees, knuckles white.

“I learned to do this for my guardian in Boston,” Rey explained, assuming he was uncomfortable because she might be inexperienced. She kept the motion of the razor smooth and clean as she spoke. “He had shaky hands.”

Because of the drinking.

Rey paused and placed a finger beneath Ben’s chin to tilt it up. He remained still as she slid the razor down his neck. She wiped it on a towel before repeating the motion.

“You did this for him every day?” he asked when she cleaned the razor again.

“Yes, every day,” she answered quietly. A few more strokes and she was done. Rey took the towel and gently wiped his face of the excess soap before leaning back to observe her work. “That should do,” she said and stepped back so he could stand. She went about tidying up while he ran his hands over his face.

“Not bad,” he remarked. “Thank you.”

Rey looked down at the bowl of soapy water in her hands, biting her lower lip. She couldn’t look at him while she said this. “I could do it again tomorrow, if you want,” she tried to sound casual, “until you get a new mirror.”

A chance to be close to him.

“They might have a mirror in Placerville today,” he said, in a tone that almost seemed frustrated.

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Rey ignored how her stomach dropped in both embarrassment and disappointment. Acting like a lovesick schoolgirl wasn’t doing her any favors. “Well,” she hurried herself up in clearing things away. “We should get going. Eat your breakfast before it gets any colder.”

She heard him sigh and the chair move as he obeyed.

In the short time they’d been married, Rey wasn’t sure if she’d ever heard him sound so despondent.

* * *

‘ _They might have a mirror in Placerville’… idiot._

Ben glowered at the barrel of shovels he was currently standing at, wishing for all the world he could hit himself over the head with one in the hope it would knock some sense into him.

A month he’d been married and he still didn’t know how to tell his own wife - the woman he was sharing a bed with - the truth.

That he was falling in love with her.

He hadn’t actually intended - nor expected - to find love when he sent out the advertisement. All he’d sought was a sturdy woman who didn’t mind hard work and wouldn’t run from his surly personality.

Rey was more than he expected.

She was brave, determined, resilient, and stronger than she knew. Ben didn’t know what she’d been through in her past to gift her all that, but he was grateful because it meant she could handle being a miner’s wife at the edge of civilization. The experience with the intruders was proof. He thought for sure she’d leave him and he wouldn’t have blamed her. But she surprised him. Both lucky and unlucky for him because it drove her deeper into his heart.

What would his mother say to him?

_Don’t be stupid, Ben. Tell the girl you love her and give me some grandchildren._

Ben snorted. Yep. He could even hear it in her voice.

Still, she would be right.

But Rey made it clear that first day she didn’t want more than a friendship. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. Despite his determination to keep his distance for her sake, he’d been so damn tempted to kiss her this morning.

He’d never thought the simple act of being shaved would have elicited the desire, but so it did.

In another unexpected result of his marriage, Ben found he trusted Rey completely. He wasn’t sure why, exactly, only that he did. Which didn’t make her holding a straight razor to his throat at all frightening.

And she was beautiful. Those sweet freckles, lively hazel eyes. Perfect lips.When she smiled or laughed he went weightless. It was a sight and sound sent straight from heaven. All for him. None of it deserved.

Sometimes he thought maybe she felt differently. Maybe she might think of him as more than a friend. Sometimes he thought her eyes or touch lingered. Heard a hitch in her breath when he got close. Like when he caught her during the shooting lesson. But it was wishful thinking.

Wasn’t it?

Ben glanced across the store, to where Rey was having an animated conversation with another young woman, shorter, rosy cheeks, and hair the color of a starling. This was the first time he’d seen Rey really interact with someone besides him. The two women talked as if they were old friends. He didn’t have that gift. Most of the time he ended up offending whoever he was speaking with, sometimes on purpose. But not always.

Even if she never knew of his burgeoning feelings, at least he could bask in her light sometimes. That would be enough. It had to be.

“Those shovels that fascinating, Solo?”

Ben jumped and looked sharply to his right. Mr. Franks, proprietor and founder of _Placerville Hardware_ , was observing him with an amused glint in his eyes. He knew very well Ben wasn’t looking at the shovels.

“Do you have any mirrors, Franks?” Ben asked, ignoring the obvious tease.

“Mirrors?” The other man stroked his tidy, gray-brown beard in thought. “No, I don’t. You’ll have to special order one. I can get you started…”

“No. Never mind.” Ben looked at Rey again. There was a small bite of guilt but the mirror wouldn’t be in for weeks and might end up breaking on the journey. Why waste the money? “A shovel and the other things’ll be it.”

Franks nodded and shuffled off to complete the order and get it loaded into Ben’s wagon. When it was time to go, Ben made his way over to Rey, who was alone now and staring at a blue bonnet with an elaborate ribbon bow on one side. It was on display at one of the counters and had captivated his wife. So much so she jumped when he touched her shoulder.

“Sorry,” Ben murmured, though he was charmed by her blush. “You ready to go?”

“Oh,” Rey darted a glance at the bonnet once more before she nodded. “Yes.”

Ben followed her out, that blue bonnet stuck in his mind.

****

“They didn’t have any mirrors.”

Rey turned a little. “They didn’t?”

Ben shook his head. He kept his eyes on the road, his hands tight on the reigns as Falcon pulled them back home.

“Mr. Franks said I could put in an order but there’s no guarantee a mirror would get here in one piece. I figured, since you offered…” He chanced a look in her direction. She was blushing again. Or maybe not. Hard to tell under her bonnet. “You really don’t mind?”

No, he hadn’t really needed to tell her that he could have ordered one. She would’t have been the wiser but it didn’t sit right with him. He told her he didn't lie and he wasn't about to break that promise. Ben didn’t want any falsehood between he and Rey. At least, not a deliberate one.

“No, I don’t mind,” Rey replied, a shy smile lighting her face. “Really.”

Ben’s pulse jumped a little but he managed to keep himself calm. “Alright,” he nodded, eyes back on Falcon. “Thanks.”

For a little while a companionable silence fell between them and while Ben was grateful they didn’t have to talk all the time - wasn’t exactly his strong suit - he liked talking with _her_. Any chance to learn a bit more about her or just listen, even if it was nonsense. Like the way she sometimes cooed at Sadie when she thought he couldn’t hear her. It was nice.

“Who was the lady you were speakin’ with? If you don’t mind my asking.”

Rey did seem surprised he was continuing the conversation but she answered nonetheless. “Of course I don’t mind. Rose Trooper. She and her husband, Finn, have a claim a few miles from us. We’re basically neighbors.”

“Oh. Huh.” Competition. So close to Ben’s own claim. If this Trooper fellow was thinking of getting close to his mine…

“Ben.”

He looked at Rey. Her tone was sharp and her expression disapproving.

“They’re not a threat.”

How the hell did she know what he was thinking?

“I wasn’t gonna say-”

“You didn’t need to. It was written all over your face.” She sat back, her teeth chewing at her lower lip a second before she turned back to him. “They could be friends, Ben, if you give them a chance.”

“We don’t need friends,” he grumbled, scowling at the road ahead. Was this an argument? He wasn’t sure.

“Yes, we do.”

“No, we don’t.”

Definitely an argument.

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“I’m being smart,” he snapped, turning his glare on her. She recoiled but he kept on. “People out here are cutthroat, Rey. You should know that after what happened at home. They’ll say anything, do anything to get what they want. It doesn’t matter the damage they leave behind. Gold fever is real and makes people dangerous.”

“I know how real it is.”

There was a pointed bite to her tone that rankled him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rey pressed her lips together and looked away. But a moment later she returned his glare.

“You’re infected by it as much as anyone else. Spending hours and hours at the creek, sifting through mud and rocks for the tiniest flake. It’s a wonder your spine is still straight. And now look,” she gestured at the bed of the wagon, where his new supplies lay in a careful pile. “Dynamite, Ben? You’re going to take down half the hill for what could amount to nothing!”

Ben pulled up sharp on the reigns and Falcon gave a protesting whinny as she was forced to an abrupt stop. He turned in his seat so he could face Rey; oh, she was mad but so was he.

“You knew what you were signing up for, Rey,” he said, low, trying to control his temper so he didn’t end up throwing the dynamite into the forest. “You don’t like it, I’ll drop you in San Francisco and you can just hightail back to Boston.”

A flicker of something - fear, maybe - lit her eyes before she quickly looked away, chest heaving with heavy breaths. Controlling breaths.

Damn it. How had the day turned so sour when it began so sweet?

_Fix it, Ben_.

“Rey.” He touched his hand to her shoulder but she flinched and jerked out of reach. Ben’s heart stuttered in his chest and he lowered his hand. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

When she looked at him Ben thought she might as well have stabbed him in the chest. There were tears in her eyes, but none had fallen. Pride probably kept that from happening. But there was no mistaking he’d hurt her. Scared her even. _That_ was enough to make him think maybe he wasn’t being all too clear-headed about the mine.

“I can’t go back there,” she said. “There’s nothing for me there.”

“You’re not going back there. You’re staying with me. If…” he swallowed. “If you still want to. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I…” he stopped. What could he say? He had no excuse. Now he remembered why he’d hesitated on sending out an advertisement. This. He wasn’t a good man. No matter how hard he tried, he always ended up driving people away.

A small, shaking hand reached out and laid over his. He stared at her slender fingers, wondering at how even the slightest touch sent warmth straight up his arm.

“I’m worried about you,” she murmured, “that’s all. I see how hard you work and you’re barely getting anything for it.”

Ben wet his lips and met her eyes. How was it she didn’t demand he take her back to Placerville? Pay for passage anywhere she wanted? But she didn’t. She just looked at him, beautiful despite the worried lines between her brows. Worry for him.

“It takes time, Rey,” he said. “Time and sometimes,” he cleared his throat, “dynamite.”

“Just…” she closed her eyes, pressed her fingers a bit into his hand. “Please be careful.” 

“I will.” Now he did rest his other hand over hers. “I swear it.”

When she opened her eyes Ben hoped she could see how serious he was. For a moment it seemed she did, her gaze softening, but then she frowned.

“What is it?” he asked, fearing that she didn’t believe him after all.

Rey lifted a hand, brushed her thumb against his cheek, and said: “I missed a spot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Placerville Hardware is a real place and is actually the oldest hardware store in the west! I've taken some creative liberties, but you can learn about the real place [here](https://sierranevadageotourism.org/entries/placerville-hardware/4f8fb53c-c35e-42d1-a0b5-640044ecd139)


	7. Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A thunderstorm brings Rey and Ben closer together

Thunder drummed overhead in an incessant beat; Rey knew that meant the lightning that preceded it was close. Sadie didn’t seem to mind it, paws moving in a quick run as she dreamed by the door. Rey flinched and curled in on herself as yet another roll of thunder shook the little house and rain pelted the roof. There was not a time in her memory storms didn’t frighten her. Maybe it was the fault of the gale that had swept over the ship carrying her family to America; the one that nearly tossed her overboard. Maybe the sound of Unkar’s boots pounding up the stairs as he chased her in a drunken rage.

She hadn’t expected such storms in California with its reportedly mild climate, but evidently they did happen.

Another thunderclap, louder, caused her to gasp.

“Rey?” Ben’s voice, groggy from sleep. It was dark save for the spare flashes of lightning that made their way through the cracks in the door, so she couldn’t see him. He stirred beside her, the quilt shifting as he sat up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Go back to sleep.”

She didn’t want to burden him with her silly fears.

But he must not have believed her because next she knew the oil lamp on his bedside table was lit and the room flared with an orange glow. Brown eyes, concerned, peered down at her.

“You’re shivering.”

Rey was going to come up with some kind of excuse, anything, but the loudest thunderclap yet broke directly over the house. The shockwave hit the earth below with such force it woke Sadie (though she quickly drifted back into her dreams) and sent Rey into Ben’s side to hide her face in the crook of his neck, her hands covering her ears, eyes squeezed shut. She tried counting backwards from ten to calm down, a trick she had taught herself as a child, but another volley hit the house and she released a sob.

No sooner had she done so than Ben’s arms were around her, holding her close as he sank back down into bed, the result being she was laying half on him, half off.

“It’s alright,” he said, voice low and soothing and more comforting than Rey expected, “it’ll pass, sweetheart.”

She liked it when he called her sweetheart. But even that wasn’t enough to diminish her embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, too humiliated to look at him but too afraid to move. “It’s such a silly thing.”

“It’s not silly. We all fear something.”

Another round echoed outside and Rey flinched. One of Ben’s hands cradled the back of her head while the other made gentle motions up and down her back.

“I don’t like the dark,” he murmured. “Since I was young."

“Really?” It was hard for Rey to imagine Ben being afraid of anything.

“Really. Isn’t so bad now, if I’m honest, but I’m still not fond of total darkness.”

“How did it get better?” she asked, hoping perhaps she could try the method, too. Ben hesitated before answering and even as he spoke Rey could tell he was uncomfortable.

  
“I had to. In the Army…”

“You were in the Army?”

“Cavalry.”

“In the Plains?”

“Yes.” He shifted but not so that Rey was disturbed; in fact it was so she was more naturally tucked into his side. “You remember.”

“I remember,” she murmured. “Why…” she moved her head back a little to look at him but his gaze was directed at the ceiling. The glow of the lamp cast eerie shadows on him. “Why did you leave it?”

Finally she voiced the question she’d wanted to ask that travel day.

Ben’s chest rose in a heavy sigh. “I was discharged.” A beat later he turned over and Rey scoot back a bit as he faced her. His hands fell away from her and Rey wished they hadn’t. “I don’t want to tell you why but I think I should.”

The storm continued to roll by outside but it was nothing compared to the fear she saw in her husband’s eyes now. She knew - somehow instinctively, like she knew the sun would rise in the morning - that he was afraid of what she would think of him. Rey tentatively slipped her hand into his in a loose hold.

“You don’t have to,” she assured him. “Really.” Nothing she heard or didn’t hear would change her feelings.

His eyes dropped for a moment. “Might as well now I’ve said it.” Ben took a breath. “I was stationed under a man called Snoke. Major Snoke. I thought he was a good man. He wasn’t. I convinced myself what he did, what he made us do, was our right. Privileges of Federal officers kind of shit. Until he had us do things I couldn’t explain away. I reported him. I was discharged. They made it honorable, but they didn’t want me anywhere near the Army or civilization again. I didn’t blame ‘em. I’m as guilty as Snoke. So I came here. To start over.”

He said all this in a blank sort of way but the hand Rey held tightened around her fingers. Rey knew very well what he told her was not everything, nor did she need to learn everything. She knew who he was. The past was the past.

“You’re a good man, Ben,” she whispered and his eyes widened, the brown deepening into something richer; warm coffee on a cold night. Or maybe that was the play of the light. “You made mistakes, but did the right thing in the end.”

“I don’t know how you do that.” His voice was tinted with awe and when she frowned in confusion he explained: “Be so generous.”

Rey’s face went hot. “I’m being honest. I know what kind of man you are _now_. I don’t care who you were then.”

He stared at her a moment, searching her face. “You really don’t,” he said, the words laced in wonder.

“No.” Rey shook her head. The storm had let up outside and sleep was coming fast but there was something she needed to make right. He was always honest. It was time she return that trust. “I have to tell you…”

“What is it?”

“I lied before.”

Ben stiffened. “About what?”

“About my parents. They didn’t die of cholera.” Rey wondered if she’d disappointed him. He’d been so good to her and hadn’t once lied but she had. Over something she now realized was rather stupid.

Now he looked confused. “What did they die of?”

“I don’t know.” She couldn’t help the lump that appeared in her throat, a familiar one from years of wondering herself. “I don’t know if they _are_ dead. They abandoned me not long after we arrived in Boston. They left me in Unkar’s boarding house one day and never came back.”

“Maybe there was an accident…”

“No,” Rey shook her head, “they paid Unkar to take me. Believe me, he would have said if they’d been killed.” Ben’s face shifted from anger to grief to what Rey thought was pity. She hated that most of all and looked away.

“Was Unkar at least… was he good?” Ben sounded hopeful. Rey hated to shatter it.

“No.”

As if a bolt of lightning had pierced through the house and struck him, Ben’s entire body went rigid but his eyes… oh, it was the same dangerous look she’d seen directed at the intruders. Not meant for her.

“Did he hurt you?” His voice was low and trembled. Rey swallowed and pulled her hand from his to lay it on his chest, over his rapid heart, trying to reassure him.

“I’m alright now, Ben.”

The fire in his eyes dimming, he raised his hand and cupped the back of her neck. For a moment Rey had the wild thought he was going to kiss her and tilted her chin up, wanting him to very much. Her stomach swooped when he leaned in, his eyes closing, and he did kiss her, but not in the way she expected (or wanted). Ben pressed a gentle caress to her forehead, which sent a different, but still warm, sensation through Rey’s body.

“Yes, you’re alright now,” he repeated softly. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Tears pricked at Rey’s eyes and she released a shuddering breath. No one had ever promised her that and Ben said it as easily as he breathed. What’s more, she believed him.

“Will you hold me until the storm passes?” she asked in a tentative whisper.

His answer was immediate, coming in the form of his embrace and a tender, “yes.”

The thunderstorm droned on, but Rey was oblivious, falling asleep in Ben’s arms.


	8. Tête-à-tête

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose visits the Solo homestead and gives Rey some marital advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone! I hope and pray everyone is safe and healthy and that this year will be a better year!

Rose was the first to travel the distance between the Trooper and Solo claims to pay a visit. She popped in unannounced some days after the storm. Rey was delighted and quickly ushered Rose inside for an impromptu coffee. They talked of many things, Rey’s travel from Boston, Rose and Finn’s journey across the Plains from St. Louis with a toddler, how that precocious toddler - Paige, after Rose’s sister - was taking to the frontier, until the conversation naturally moved to married life on the gold fields.

“Finn’s always trying some new contraption or method to sift as much gold as possible from the river. He’s fallen in and nearly drowned a few times,” Rose shook her head. “I’ve told him to be more careful but then some new thing comes along and he itches to try it. Enough about us, though. How are you and Mister Solo? Have you adjusted well to each other? I can’t imagine what it’s like as a bride who didn’t know her husband beforehand.”

“Ben and I…” Rey considered the question. Life with Ben had gotten easier since the storm. Less awkward. Rey was more open about her childhood and Ben even mentioned his own parents in passing. Which was a vast improvement from before, though he still shied away from his time in the Cavalry. At night he would hold her, which was lovely, but that continued to be the extent of their intimacy. Rey had no impression he desired anything more. “We’re very good friends now. I must say, I had no idea what I was jumping into answering his advertisement, but I’m very glad I did.”

Rose smiled. “You care for each other.”

“Yes, I think so,” Rey answered, eyes drifting to the door, now wide open to let the breeze into the house. She could see the chickens pecking away at whatever grubs were left from the rain. “He’s good to me.”

She only wished she could be something more to him.

Pausing mid sip, Rose gave Rey a curious look and put her coffee cup down. “Is there something wrong?”

Rey, realizing she must have sounded more wistful than she meant, opened her mouth to say no but stopped herself. Perhaps Rose might have some insight, having been married longer than Rey.

“Not wrong,” she finally said. “But,” she licked her lips, a blush she was sure stretched all the way down her body heating her skin, “is it unusual… um, is it out of the ordinary for a man to not want…” oh, dear, she couldn’t say it. Not aloud. Even though there was no one else about and Ben was off surveying the hill, Rey stood and went to Rose’s side to whisper in her ear.

“You haven’t done _what_?” Rose exclaimed, eyes wide, and Rey winced as she returned to her seat.

“He didn’t want to. _Doesn’t_ want to.”

Rose pressed her lips together in thought. “Is he unable, perhaps? You said he was in the Army for a time. An injury?”

“No. He would have told me that.” Rey was certain, especially after their confessions during the storm. “His advertisement said matrimony, but perhaps he didn’t mean all that comes with it… or perhaps not with me.” She could not help how her shoulders dropped at the thought.

A dubious expression passed over Rose’s face. “Have you asked him directly?”

“No!” Rey was horrified. “I couldn’t!”

“Why not? Oh, have I misunderstood? I thought you wanted…”

“I do! But only if he does… I’m perfectly content!” This entire conversation was mortifying. She should never have said anything.

“Yes, it seems like it.” Rose released a soft laugh and Rey scowled.

“The fact of the matter is that _he_ doesn’t want more,” she insisted.

“How can you be sure if you’ve never asked?”

“Well, I… wouldn’t he have said?” Rey wrung her hands in her lap.

“Hm, maybe. Well, the best advice I can offer is to talk with him. Or,” Rose shrugged and lifted her cup, “see if he gets jealous if you flirt with another man.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Rey admonished. “I don’t know any other men. And I wouldn’t do that, anyway.”

“Then I suppose you need to do the first,” Rose said cheerfully, unknowingly leaving a pit in Rey’s stomach.

“I couldn’t… what if he… what if…” what if Rey was right and Ben _didn’t_ want her? Right now she was happy and he was happy. They’d achieved a balance and she didn’t want to disrupt it for a ‘maybe’.

Rose must have noticed Rey’s discomfort because she sobered. “I have another suggestion. See how he is around you. He might be giving you clues and you just haven’t seen them.”

Yes, Rey could do that. She doubted she would see anything but at least she could confirm her suspicions without addressing them out loud. Which would surely lead only to great embarrassment.

Rose left soon after and Rey promised to reciprocate the visit when she could. The rest of the afternoon Rey spent deep in thought, having forgotten to ask Rose exactly what kind of clues Ben may be leaving. This wasn’t exactly and area Rey had a lot of experience in. So, when Ben and Sadie came home, it was still on her mind. Rey considered the wide smile he gave her, the gentle touch on her shoulder, how he thanked her for dinner. Did any of that mean something other than what it appeared on the surface? A friendly greeting and grateful attitude?

During dinner she thought of how he held her at night but even that was not enough proof of greater feelings than friendship. He cared about her, of that much she was sure, as she’d told Rose. But more than that?

“Rey?”

Rey jumped in her seat and stared at Ben with wide eyes but recovered quickly enough to say: “Oh, sorry. Were you saying something?”

“Nothing particular. Are you feeling alright?” The lines on his face were creased, evidence of his concern. Was that a clue?

“I’m feeling fine.” He didn’t seem to fully accept the answer so Rey scrambled to change the subject. “What of the hill? How did your survey go?”

Ben passed her a wary look but didn’t press her. “I know the places I need to set the dynamite. I’ll start blasting tomorrow.”

Worry set immediately in Rey, a tight knot forming in her stomach. “You’ll be careful, won’t you?”

“Yes,” he said quietly, “I’ll be careful.”

The way he met her eyes, straight on, unwavering - a promise. But they were full of something else. Rey wasn’t sure if he meant to or not, but whatever it was made that knot in her stomach turn to butterflies.


	9. The Stranger - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A stranger visits the homestead, dividing Rey and Ben.

Rey jumped every time a blast echoed through the valley. Though she made sure her garden and the animals did not suffer from lack of attention, she was still distracted with worry. She couldn’t even assure herself Ben was alright at lunch because the trek up the hill was too far, so he took his lunch with him. Sadie offered some comfort, staying behind with Rey as she was not fond of the dynamite either. Yet only in the evenings, when he saw his tall silhouette walking through the trees, was Rey put truly at ease. Dirty, sometimes with tiny cuts on his arms and hands, sometimes frustrated, sometimes not, but he came back.

Eventually the blasting ceased and Ben shifted to digging out the rubble in the gash he’d made in the hill. Hours and hours he spent there; it became so he wasn’t home until after dark. There wasn’t a lot of time even then to spend with him because he was exhausted. Usually he ate a piece of bread and went to bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Yes, it was lonely. But Rey tried to understand. This was what she signed up for, after all. Rose was a comfort, at least. Her husband was off doing similar things, spending most of his time at the river rather than with his wife, who was pregnant now with their second child. Little Paige was going to be a big sister.

The news of which sent an involuntary ache through Rey’s heart. She couldn’t help but wonder what her and Ben’s children might look and be like. Beautiful, she thought. Rose was kind, though, and quickly changed the subject.

Rey kept herself busy to keep her mind from wandering in unproductive directions such as ideas about children.

On a sunny day sometime in mid-July, Rey was observing the corn in her garden, pleased by its progress and already thinking of the many things she could cook with it, when Sadie stood up from her place at the now rose-covered gates and growled. Rey instantly turned in that direction and saw a man and a mule coming down the road. Heart pounding, she raced back to the house and pulled down the shotgun from its place above the door. Armed and ready, she stepped back outside in time to face the stranger in her yard. Sadie was at her side, hackles up. The stranger immediately stopped and put his hands up.

“Speak your business!” Rey yelled. “Now!”

“I mean no harm, ma’am,” the man called back in an easy tone. “Just passing through to Pollock Pines.” He looked back down the road. “I must have taken a wrong turn back there.”

“You did,” Rey affirmed. “If you’re being truthful.” She observed him carefully. Tall - not as tall as Ben - dark, full curls under his hat; he was about forty, she’d say. His mule was packed to the brim with supplies, but that included a rifle slotted into a holster the mule’s shoulder. “Are you?”

“I guess that’ll be up to you to decide, miss.”

“Mrs.,” she corrected, lifting her chin. It was best to make sure this man knew she was married. “My husband is close by.”

“Understood. Ma’am, I’m being honest, I’m not here for any reason besides getting to Pollock Pines. Seeing as it’s getting late now, though, I wouldn’t mind a place for the night, if you’re willing. I’d work for it.”

As a principle, Rey thought it was the Christian thing to do to offer shelter for the night, but she needed to make sure this man wasn’t trying to pull a fast one.

“I’d feel better about your intentions if you didn’t have that rifle,” Rey admitted, nodding to his gun. The stranger glanced that way as well and gave a nod.

“Would it help if I handed it over to you?”

The offer surprised Rey. She eyed the stranger warily. “It would, as a matter of fact.”

“Alright. I’m going to pull it out - it’s not loaded - and slide it to you. Okay?”

Rey glanced at Sadie and lifted the shot gun up to be prepared for any falsehood. “Alright. Go ahead.”

A minute later, it was done. Rey was in possession of the man’s rifle and she felt better, though not totally trusting. That wouldn’t be smart. But she also had the sense the man was being honest.

“Thank you, Mister..?”

“Dameron.” He called. “Poe Dameron. You?”

“Rey.” She paused a second, almost forgetting she had a new surname. “Rey Solo.”

The stranger grinned and Rey could see he must be a charmer, as the smile was roguish. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Solo.”

* * *

Ben was home earlier that evening, crossing the creek as the sun met the horizon. He could have done some more work, put up more supports for the mine entrance, but he wanted be back before the sun went down. He, well, he missed Rey. They didn’t talk much anymore, didn’t see each other much either because he was off to the mine every morning right after breakfast. He didn’t like it and knew Rey didn’t, even though she never said. Honestly, she was more patient than a saint.

So he wanted to surprise her tonight. And have a decent meal for the first time in a couple weeks.

Laughter met his ears. Deep, male, followed by Rey’s familiar tone. Had Finn Trooper come by for some reason? It was late. A strange time to be away from his family.

Ben rounded the house and stopped short. The man wasn’t Trooper.

His fingers grip around his rifle tightened until he took in the whole picture. The stranger was leaning on the axe Ben used to cut wood, having apparently done a few logs already. Rey was speaking with him, her smile warm and body relaxed. She wasn’t afraid or worried. Ben sought Sadie out and saw the wolf was laying on her side near the house, unconcerned.

_What the hell?_

More confused than furious - and a little disconcerted by how another man was gifted Rey’s smile - Ben strode forward, making his presence known. Rey was the first to notice him and instantly perked up, her smile widening.

“Ben! You’re back early!”

The happy way she said it assured Ben he’d made the right choice to leave the mine and he couldn’t help but grin back when he reached her side, despite the proverbial elephant standing at the chopping block.

“I’m back early. Who’s this?” He turned to said elephant, sliding an arm around Rey’s shoulders and inching her closer. Rey passed him a swift, curious look but introduced the stranger without skipping a beat. 

“Mr. Poe Dameron. Mr. Dameron, this is my husband, Ben Solo.”

“Pleasure, Solo,” Dameron held out his hand to shake but Ben wasn’t all that interested in the friendly gesture.

“What are you doing on my property, Dameron?”

“Ben!” Rey’s tone was chastising but he didn’t care. “He’s not any trouble!”

“It’s alright, Rey.” Ben narrowed his eyes at Dameron’s familiar use of Rey’s name. "I wouldn’t act any different. I’m just passing through, Solo. Got turned around and, seeing as it was late, your wife was kind enough to offer me a place to stay the night. I thought I’d help out in exchange.”

“I was careful, Ben,” Rey said quietly. “He’s not like the others. He’s not after your gold.”

_Gold?_ Is that really what she thought he was worried about?

That made the whole damned situation worse. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Sending Dameron off into the woods like he wanted would make Rey unhappy and wasn’t exactly kind. In fact, it might kill him.

“You can stay in the barn,” he announced gruffly. “I’ll expect you gone in the morning.”

Dameron nodded. “Fair enough. I appreciate it.”

“Why don’t we all go inside for dinner?” Rey spoke up and Ben’s attention snapped to her.

“All?”

“Yes, _all_ ,” she responded, with a tone and expression that allowed no argument. “There’s plenty.”

As if having enough food was the problem. Ben set his jaw and breathed out a low growl of frustration.

* * *

It turned out that Poe was from Boston and Rey was so delighted to meet a fellow Bostonian that she was completely taken up in conversation with him. Poe was a wonderful story teller, though Rey doubted half the marvelous adventures he’d had were true. The evening was lovely, except for one thing…

Ben glared daggers at Poe the entire meal. Attempts to include him in the conversation went ignored or only half-answered and eventually Rey gave up. She was annoyed by her husband’s behavior, unable to understand how he could act so rudely to a man who was obviously not after the gold or held any other nefarious purpose. Only when Poe bid goodnight and went to the barn did Ben relax - after securely latching the door. Sadie was resting by the fire, unbothered by the strange tension in the humans around her.

“What was all that?” Rey burst as soon as the door was shut and Ben scowled. “Why were you so rude to Poe?”

“I wasn’t rude.”

“You were! You barely spoke a word to him and glared at him the entire time! He’s not a threat, Ben. Obviously.”

“‘Obviously’?” Ben repeated, incredulous. “How the hell can you trust him so easily? For all you know he’s a runaway murderer.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Poe’s a good man.”

“You can’t possibly know that after a day!”

Rey frowned; he was questioning her judgement and she didn’t like it. “It took me less time than that to know you are good man.” Silence followed and he stared at her, stiff, eyes wide. Rey searched his face, looking for any sign he understood, even a little. Yet his expression remained blank and she sighed and looked away. “We should go to bed. I’m sure you’ll want to be back at the mine early.”

He didn’t answer but heavy footsteps moved to the door and she looked up to see him open it.

“Where are you going?” she asked.

“Forgot to check the animals,” he responded gruffly. He paused before stepping out. “I’ll make sure our guest is comfortable.” With that he was gone.

Rey stared at the door for a minute, mind racing, wondering what had gotten into him. He was anxious over Poe’s presence, that was for certain, but why? The man wasn’t after Ben’s mine or property. Was it on her account? Of course she knew he was protective of her but this felt different somehow. The way he had drawn her into his side earlier was less shielding and more… well, if she were to put a word on it, he acted as if he were jealous.

_Jealous?_

Maybe Rose was right. Rey determined to watch Ben carefully. She didn’t condone jealousy, of course, but if he was then maybe she wasn’t as alone in her feelings about their marriage as she thought. It was a puzzle she would have to solve in the morning, when everything was fresh. Hopefully Ben would be in a better mood.

_Or,_ Rey chewed at her lower lip, guilty for the thought, _hopefully not._


	10. The Stranger - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solo's bid goodbye to Poe Dameron but are left in a state of frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to take a moment and thank you for the comments on the last chapter! I read all of them and cannot express how much I appreciate the love y'all have for this fic! I didn't expect it! I know I left the Solo's in an unhappy place and it's not really better in this one but I promise it will improve! Soon...😉

The cabin was quiet as she helped Ben shave in their now daily routine. A shawl was thrown about her shoulders over her nightgown, defending her from the early morning chill. Her brows were furrowed in concentration as she smoothed the straight razor over Ben’s jaw but even so she could tell he was distracted. Stiff, eyes focused on the wall behind Rey. They didn’t speak. For her part, Rey wasn’t sure what to say. She couldn’t be certain Ben was jealous, so if she was wrong, addressing it as such would be folly.

But the silence was stifling.

“What are your plans for today?” she asked, voice cracking. Goodness, it wouldn’t do to be so nervous. Especially as Ben scowled.

“Thought I’d stay for awhile, see our guest off.” His tone was blank, almost harsh. But his eyes were wary when they darted to hers and he asked: “That alright?”

While Rey was for the most part conjecturing as to Ben’s feelings, there was no guessing that he was looking for a particular response. She paused halfway through the final stroke and slowly lowered the razor to clean it with a towel. When she raised it again, she tilted his chin up with a crook of her finger. Their eyes met, his a little wider than before. His hands flexed where they rested on his thighs. All Rey desired was a better angle for the razor and a moment to think, but the new position seemed to affect him.

“Of course it’s alright,” she murmured finally, sliding the razor along his jawline, taking the last of the soap with it. She swallowed back a lump of nerves before adding: “I like when you’re here.”

“You do?” he truly seemed surprised which left Rey flabbergasted. She was about to dry his face with a clean towel but let her hand fall back to her side.

“Yes, I do. I thought you knew that.”

A pink hue bloomed on his cheeks and even colored his ears. “I did,” he mumbled. “I do. It’s just nice to hear, sometimes.”

Rey went back to her task of drying his face and when she was done offered him a small smile. “I’ll try to say it more often, then.”

His expression shifted from embarrassed to something akin to wonder and Rey’s heart stuttered. Did that mean what she hoped? Gathering the courage to ask him outright and end the purgatory she found herself living in, Rey cleared her throat.

“Ben…”

“Mrs. Solo?” From outside Poe knocked on the door. “Mrs. Solo, if you don’t mind, I’d like to thank you before I leave.”

The change in the atmosphere was palpable. Ben stiffened, dropping a withering scowl on the door. Disappointed and discouraged, Rey huffed in frustration.

“Yes, Poe, of course. A moment!” She managed to sound cheerful enough, maybe too cheerful if Ben’s sour expression was any indication. “We should say goodbye,” she said quietly, stepping away from him. “I’ll get dressed.”

“Yeah,” he stood up and made for the door, a storm still visible on his face. “I’ll make sure he’s got everything. Wouldn’t want him to come back because he forgot something.”

Rey watched him walk out, warring between wanting to laugh at his behavior and being annoyed by it. Instead of either, she focused on getting dressed. She decided to send Poe off with a little something to eat; it wouldn’t do to journey with an empty belly, so she wrapped up a few pieces of sourdough and a boiled egg in a cloth for him to take.

Once she was done, she went out to join Ben, who was standing opposite Poe in the middle of the yard. It seemed like Ben was edging Poe toward the road, obviously eager to see him off, but the other man stepped around him when Rey emerged from the house, a grin on his face.

“Rey! Is that for me?” He took the proffered food and his smile somehow brightened. “You are an angel.”

Rey waved a hand dismissively, warmth in her cheeks. “It’s not much but I hope it’ll tide you over until you reach Pollock Pines.” She caught Ben’s expression - if he’d been staring at a plant it would have withered.

“This and your hospitality will keep me full for days. Wait, I have something for you!” Poe turned and Rey stepped closer to his packed mule, into place beside Ben. She watched Poe curiously as he went round the other side of the mule and returned with a beautiful collection of wildflowers. “Happy birthday, Rey.”

“Oh,” she took the bouquet in delight and that warmth in her cheeks blossomed into a full blush. “Poe, they’re lovely. Thank you.”

He tipped his hat, his smile unending. “It’s the least I could do. Well, I should be getting along. Pollock Pines is waiting. Solo,” he held his hand out and Ben glared at it until Rey nudged him in the side. Reluctantly, Ben took Poe’s hand. “Thanks for a warm place to stay,” a glance at Rey, “you’re an incredibly lucky man.”

Now her cheeks were on fire.

Ben didn’t respond but immediately dropped his hand. Poe didn’t seem bothered. He gathered the rope to his mule, tipped his hat, and set off down the road, whistling a merry tune. As his figure faded down the path, Rey smiled down at the flowers in her hands. She’d never received a birthday gift before.

“It’s your birthday?”

She raised her head to find Ben staring at her, his expression the most displeased since she’d known him. It reminded of the day of the storm - thick, simmering, thunder faint in the distance.

“Not really,” she said quietly. “Not today. The day after tomorrow.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I never celebrated my birthday in Boston. I simply didn’t think to tell you because it never seemed important.” Rey looked at the flowers again, preferring to think of their pleasant violets and yellows and pinks than the darkness of her past.

“How did Poe know?” Her husband didn’t ask the question harshly, but his tone was strained.

Rey shrugged. “We were talking. One thing lead to another and… and he asked.”

“So he gave you flowers. Like… like a…” He stopped, worrying his mouth.

“Like what, Ben?” Rey watched him, waiting for him to admit whatever it was that bothered him about Poe. Hoping he would say he didn’t like the attention the other man gave Rey, that it wasn’t for Poe to court or flirt with her. That she was married, married to Ben and it was _his_ right to do such things.

For a moment a scared expression came into his eyes. “Nothing,” he muttered, looking away. “Seems odd, is all. He barely knew you.”

Disappointed, Rey’s shoulders dropped. “He was being kind, Ben,” she said quietly. “That’s all.”

“Maybe.”

Rey frowned, frustrated by Ben’s attitude. If he had something to say, he should say it and stop hinting at it. “What, Ben? What else could he have been doing?”

Surprise rang clearly on Ben’s face in light of her outburst but quickly faded into irritation. “I don’t know,” he enunciated the words. “Why don’t you tell me.”

Her nose scrunched up as she tried to figure what in the world he was getting at. “I have no idea what you’re taking about!”

The simmering evolved to a near boil, his hands in fists, chin trembling. He was controlling himself but from what Rey wasn’t sure. He wanted to say but wouldn’t let himself. She wished he would, she all but begged him to with her expression.

But he didn’t.

“Nothing.” His expression blanked though the rest of his body remained tense. “We should start the day. Lot to do.” With that he wandered off toward the barn, nary a glance back in Rey’s direction.

Any idea of addressing the unknown between them was swirled away in the dust kicked up by his feet as walked further and further away from her. Drawing in a breath, Rey released it with a short puff and went back to the house to prepare breakfast, though she wasn’t sure if her irate husband was going to eat it.

Sure enough, he never came in for breakfast. He wasn’t back in the house until dinner, the entire time of which he spent glaring at Poe’s flowers, now standing in a spare cup on the mantle above the fire. Rey didn’t know what to do, too confused and annoyed to even bring idle conversation to the table. Sadie stayed outside, smarter than either of the humans she followed, Rey thought.

“You liked him.”

The three words startled Rey. She stared at Ben, who was still scowling resolutely at the flowers, as if he could make them disappear with his eyes.

“I… yes, I did like him,” she replied. He nodded, slow, as if he understood. “But…”

His chair scraped the floor as he stood abruptly. “I’m going to put the animals down for the night.”

Two seconds later he was gone.

“But I like you more,” Rey whispered to the empty air, finishing her interrupted thought. With a despondent sigh, she stood and cleared up dinner.


	11. Rey's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The awkwardness ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the engaging comments on the last chapter (and every chapter)! I love reading them and am so happy you're enjoying the story so far! I'm sorry I haven't responded to each one, but please know I read them and I love you all!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Ben didn’t hold her that night. Turned on her side, frustrated and sad, Rey cried silently. It was habit. If Unkar ever heard her, she’d be on the receiving end of a shout or a thrown shoe. So she kept her tears to herself.

The next day was not a pleasant one. It was tense and lonely because Ben announced he was going to town, in need of some supplies. Rey timidly asked if he wanted her company but he said no, there wasn’t a need.

So she stayed behind with Sadie. He returned a few hours later only to disappear to the mine straightaway with the wolf. Rey didn’t bother him, busy with her own chores. Some mending needed to be done, the garden was weedy, and she was frustrated by a crop of failed carrots. A rabbit had snuck its way into her garden and torn up the sprouts. Apparently the brazen creature had no fear of Sadie.

The day progressed in a normal enough way, though Rey’s mind was still trying to sift out how to fix things with Ben. As the sun sank beneath the trees, turning the world orange and pink, her optimism went with it, disappearing entirely when Ben came back and was once again silent through dinner. Rey tried a few times to spark a conversation but received grunts or a huff in return. So, she gave in to her own sour mood and ate her meal in silence.

In bed, Rey was stiff, turned on her side as she was the night before. The mattress dipped when Ben joined her. This time, after a few minutes, he shifted and Rey felt him at her back. She could sense his hand hovering over her side and held her breath, waiting for him to slide it over her side and embrace her like she’d become accustomed to him doing. But he didn’t. His hand retracted. Though he didn’t edge away, he stayed close, their bodies almost touching, and Rey took that as a comfort.

Maybe things would be alright.

****

Rey awoke to a bed empty of her husband. Not necessarily unusual as he was normally up before her to tend the animals and let her dress, but the absence was felt more deeply because of the strange mood between them. As Rey lifted herself off the bed, her eyes fell to the flowers on the mantle, reminding her that today was her birthday. The mark of her twenty-third year. And, as was her custom, that was all the thought she gave it before she commenced her day. She dressed, made the bed, and grabbed the basket she used to gather eggs.

But before she stepped out the door, something on the table caught her eye and she froze. Slowly approaching it, her mouth dropped open and the basket fell to the floor. There, sitting in a hat box at her place, was the blue bonnet she’d coveted from the store in Placerville. She knew what it cost and couldn’t believe he’d gone to so much trouble to buy it.

“Happy birthday.”

Rey whirled around to see Ben standing, looking rather sheepish, in the doorway to the house. She stared at him, wide-eyed, hand to her chest.

“I saw you admiring it,” he said, explaining as if she’d asked the implied question. “Been thinking about a reason to get it for you. Birthday seemed like a good one.”

She still didn’t say a word and he wet his lips, brows furrowed.

“Do you like it?”

And, much to her own embarrassment, Rey burst into tears. She buried her face in her apron, overwhelmed.

“You don’t like it.”

She lifted her head and took in Ben’s clouded expression, his tense shoulders and curled fists. Immediately, she tried to get herself under control, taking deep breaths but fell into hiccups. Her poor husband’s face was so confused and she rushed to explain.

“No,” she squeaked. “No, Ben, it’s,” - a hiccup - “oh, I’m sorry. No, it’s lovely. Wonderful. I’m…” the tears started again but the hiccups stopped. “I didn’t expect it and no one’s bought me anything so beautiful before…”

As he still seemed dubious Rey hurried forward and threw her arms around his neck. He froze in place but Rey didn’t retreat.

“Thank you,” she whispered in his ear. “I love…” - no, she couldn’t say _that_ , not yet - “I love it.”

A deep sigh fluttered against Rey’s neck and she was drawn up into his arms as he finally returned her embrace, bending himself so that she didn’t have to stand on her toes to reach him.

“I’m glad,” he said and Rey smiled. She pressed her face into his shoulder, happy to hold him and be held for the first time in days. It was over too soon, but they both had things to do. Rey hadn’t even started breakfast.

But once disentangled, neither moved. Rey met his eyes and they were staring at her in a way she might describe as loving. Perhaps it was and that thought emboldened her. Rey raised herself on her toes again and, after a moment’s hesitation, she kissed his cheek. Lowering herself, she shyly awaited his reaction. A decidedly pink hue brightened his cheeks and spread charmingly to his ears and he stared at her as if she’d just performed a miracle. Rey blushed herself and almost laughed when she thought of how ridiculous it was for a married couple to blush with each other over such a thing. What would she do if their mouths ever touched? Swoon?

In any case, the tension between she and Ben was gone, and for that Rey was most grateful.

“Are you hungry?” she asked and Ben nodded. “I’ll make breakfast then.” And, though she was loathe to, she stepped back to retrieve the egg basket. “Can you get the eggs while I start the grits?”

A slight smile appeared on his face and he took the basket. “Yes, ma’am,” he said, inclining his head. Rey didn’t know if he meant to charm her, but he did.

Soon they were sitting at breakfast as if no awkwardness had happened at all between them. Rey glanced fondly every now and then at the bonnet, not because of how pretty it sat, or how lovely the blue bow was, but because it was his first gift to her (excepting her wedding band, which could be argued was a necessity). She would have gladly accepted a smaller one, of course, but could not deny the bonnet was a happy surprise.

And if she wore it while she gardened, well, only her crops knew for sure. What is certain is that her thoughts about her marriage became more optimistic than they had been previously.

Rey lifted her face to the warm, mid-morning sun and smiled.

Yes, things were very bright indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos to those of you who guessed what Ben was gonna do!😁


	12. The Illness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fever falls upon the Solo homestead.
> 
> CW // illness, fever, sickness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive me for this slight bit of angst, i promise a very good thing is coming soon! and also i don't think this chapter is quite up to par but i've had a rough week and i just really wanted to get something out for y'all.
> 
> And thank you so much for the comments! I've been really bad about responding lately but know that I'm still reading them and I adore all of you for engaging with and loving this fic!🥰

Ben coughed for the fifth time as Rey shaved him, forcing her to pause as he turned his head away. She was beginning to worry; it wasn’t like him to cough or sniff the way he was now.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat and straightened up. “Must be hay fever.”

Dubious, Rey resumed gliding the straight razor over his chin. “Do you usually get hay fever this time of year?”

“No…” he admitted reluctantly. She passed him a look and he sighed. “I’m fine, Rey.”

“You told me Mr. Franks was coughing when you went into town the other day.” For her birthday present. “If you caught something buying that hat…” She swung the razor a little bit wildly in her exasperation.

“Rey!” Ben laughed and wrapped his fingers around her wrists, which stopped her movements. “I’m _fine_. I didn’t catch anything. Now, I need to get to work. Am I done?”

“I suppose,” Rey mumbled unhappily. “Let me clean your face…” but she stopped right before bringing the towel to his cheeks and gave him a stern look. "If you do come down with anything, you’ll come right home, won’t you?”

He didn’t answer, which would have annoyed her except that the way he looked at her was far from petulant.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said softly, “but I’m glad you’re so worried about me. It’s been a long time since anyone’s cared enough.”

Rey’s breath caught in her throat. Though he tried to keep his expression neutral, his eyes betrayed his loneliness. Gently, she cleaned the soap off his face, then pressed her palms to his cheeks and laid a firm, lingering kiss to his forehead. She heard him suck in a sharp, shaky breath and when she pulled back his eyes were wide. Rey smiled a little, her thumbs stroking his cheeks.

“I won’t stop worrying about you.”

That was what was in her mind as he traipsed toward the hills, as she listened to the fading sound of more coughs, as a stone sank to the bottom of her stomach and remained there the whole day.

****

Sadie alerted when Ben returned. It was mid-afternoon, far too early for him to be back and Rey instantly knew something was wrong. He shuffled toward the house but Rey met his slumped figure in the yard and pressed her hand to his forehead. Hot. Burning hot.

“Ben,” she breathed. “I knew it. You’re sick. Come inside. You need to get into bed.”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “Tired s’all.”

But he didn’t resist as she guided him into the house, as she helped get his boots off and put him in bed. He was shivering by the time she pulled the blankets to his shoulders, his eyes already closed. Rey took a few deep breaths to calm her racing heart and set about getting things ready.

There was a hard night ahead.

****

Rey did not leave his side. Nor did Sadie, who watched with worried eyes as Rey tended to Ben in his fever. Wet cloth after wet cloth was put to his forehead and she tried to get water down him but was only somewhat successful. He tossed and turned, dark hair plastered to his forehead, not at all lucid, mumbling things about Snoke and someone named Luke and asking where Rey was.

She would answer him and for awhile he would calm, head turned toward her though he wasn’t awake. During those moments Rey could find some respite. She stroked his hair and tried to reassure him. The fire blazing away in the hearth warmed the cabin and although it was too warm for her comfort, Rey hoped it would help Ben sweat out his fever. Even though she knew he was strong and healthy, Rey couldn’t help being scared. Terrible thoughts when through her mind, churned her stomach, pricked her eyes with tears.

But frightened as she was, Rey couldn’t let it overtake her senses. Ben needed her. All the same, she needed him to know, even if he couldn’t quite hear her, that he needed to fight.

“You break this, Ben,” she told him as she watched him shake beneath the soaked sheets. Then added tearfully, “don’t you dare leave me alone.”

****

Another day passed and by the time it ended Rey was exhausted. In constant prayer, constant turmoil, barely able to sleep and when she did it took only a slight sound from her husband and she was awake and alert. She only left his side to check on the animals and relieve herself but hurried to return to him. Rey took comfort knowing Sadie was keeping vigil over him.

But there was no relief. That day turned into night. More cloths, more sheets, more fervent prayers.

****

Rey had dozed off, head against the back of her chair, when Sadie nudged her arm. As if struck by lightning, Rey jolted with a gasp. It took a few moments for her to fully wake, but when she did, she immediately noticed something was off.

Ben. He wasn’t moving.

Heart pounding in her throat, she leaned over him in terror of what she’d find, only to drop her head to his chest in relief and feel it expand as he breathed. Deep, steady breaths. He was alright. Rey forced herself to focus and placed the back of her hand to his forehead, his cheeks.

No fever.

“Thank God,” she sobbed. Ben was going to be alright. Rey pressed a kiss to his cheek before sinking, shaking, to her knees beside the bed and resting her head against Ben’s side. Before she had the chance to say the prayer half-formed on her lips, she fell asleep.

****

Sadie woke Rey again, this time with enthusiastic swipes of her broad tongue which left Rey spluttering. The sun was bright through the cracks in the cabin’s door. With a quiet laugh Rey threw her arms around the wolf and buried her face in Sadie’s thick grey fur.

“He’s alright,” she whispered, more to herself than Sadie. “He made it.”

A stirring from the bed pulled Rey’s attention back to Ben and she watched his eyes open heavily. She was at his side in a second.

“Ben,” she said gently. “Ben, love, can you hear me?”

“Rey…” His voice cracked from dryness and underuse and he frowned, eyes closing again. Rey rushed to get him some water and helped him sit up to drink it.

“Careful,” she murmured, tipping the tin cup for him. “There.”

Ben sank back to the pillows once he was done with the water but before Rey had a chance to say anything, he was asleep. Though she wished to talk with him, to tell him things she’d been so foolish as to put off, Rey wouldn’t wake him. He needed the rest.

When he woke up, she wasn’t going to waste anymore time.


	13. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben's true feelings come to light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your well wishes! I truly appreciate it and love you all!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Despite Rey’s best laid plans, when Ben woke up late that afternoon, she didn’t get a chance to say what she wanted. First she helped him to the privy, then back to bed. The evening was quiet but Ben was still too tired to do much but drink the broth Rey made for him before falling asleep again.

In the morning, she told herself.

However, in the morning, she woke to find her husband halfway out of bed.

“What in the world are you doing?” she exclaimed, clambering out of the bed and pushing him back down before he could get any further. “You need to rest!”

“I’ve done enough resting,” he grumbled. The dark circles under his eyes and pallid complexion told Rey differently. “I need to work.”

Was he still feverish? Rey put her hand to his forehead for the nth time in the past few days to discover that, no, he wasn’t.

“You do _not_ need to work. You need to stay in bed!” She kept her hands on his shoulders, easily holding him down. Either he wasn’t trying or Rey was right and he was still weak. She sided with the latter. “You’ve been out for three days with a fever, Ben! You need rest!”

“I rested yesterday,” he insisted and tried to stand again. “I’m fine.”

“Ben, stop.”

“Rey, I need to work. The mine…”

_The mine_.

“Stop!”

Whether it was the actual command or her sharp tone, Ben obeyed and sank back down onto the bed, obviously surprised.

“That damn mine!” she growled and his eyes widened. “I don’t care if the whole thing collapses! It’s not worth your life! I was afraid you were going to die, Ben! I thought I was going to lose you and I don’t know if I’d survive that because I love you so damn much! Now you’re going to stay in that bed, you stubborn ass, until I say so!”

Frustrated, Rey took a breath. Everything had tumbled out like the imaginary landslide she half-wished would destroy the mine. She hadn’t meant to say it like that but wasn’t about to cover it up, either. So instead she looked him right in the eye.

“Are you going to do as I say?” she asked.

“Do you mean it?” He was breathless.

Rey frowned. “Yes, I want you to do as I ask.”

“No,” he shook his head and took her hands in his, rather tightly, like he needed an anchor. “The other thing. You love me. Did you mean it?”

Oh. Rey swallowed and sat down beside him. Now her heart was pounding. “Yes,” she said softly. “I meant it.”

It felt like an eternity passed before he spoke again because all he did was stare at her before blurting out: “I love you, too.”

Even though she had suspected he had feelings of some kind, Rey was still surprised. “Y-you do?”

“I do.”

Rey very much wished she wasn’t blushing so profusely. She couldn’t help, though, how giddy his reciprocation made her and she smiled. Stars, he was gazing at her like she was some kind of miracle, like if she asked him to lasso the moon, he would. But she didn’t want the moon. “Will you get back into bed now, then?”

A bit a sheepish, he nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”

She stood so he could swing his legs back up and helped him get resettled, pulling the sheets over him. He’d changed into a pair of clean long-johns the day before, so he was comfortable enough. Rey had a pile of laundry to go through, but time enough for that. As she made to straighten up, Ben took her hand.

“Rey.”

There was a serious note to his voice and timidity in his expression so Rey sat at his side again, brows drawn together. “Yes?”

“When I’m well…” his voice cracked but he cleared his throat and tried again. “This is something I should have asked you a long time ago. When you first got here. I guess I wasn’t sure what I wanted at the time… then I got scared… though I’m sure now. I should have asked…”

“Asked me what?” Rey prodded, more curious now than concerned.

Ben’s face was now fully pink but he managed to answer without distraction. “Do you want _everything_ a marriage has to offer? Including the, ah, intimacy?”

And Rey thought her face couldn’t get any warmer, nor his any redder. Then again, why should they be embarrassed? They were married. Husband and wife. If any two people were allowed to openly have such a conversation, it should be a married couple. And there was no reason for her to be shy about her desires. No, between the two of them, they’d had quite enough of that for a lifetime. Rey scoot a bit closer to him and took both his hands in hers.

“Yes,” she said firmly, so he heard no doubt. “I want everything. As long as you do, too.”

“I do!” he assured quickly only to flush with obvious embarrassment. Rey couldn’t help letting out a quiet laugh, which brought out a shy smile in Ben. “I suppose it isn’t any use pretending I’m not eager.”

Rey looked down at their clasped hands, rather shy herself. “So am I.” Slowly, Rey’s head was lifted, Ben’s hand under her chin. There was a light in his eyes she didn’t remember seeing before but it sent a thrill down her spine.

“Rey…”

“Yes?”

“Can I… can I kiss you?”

Rey exhaled sharply and her eyes dropped to his mouth. She hadn’t let herself entertain thoughts about kissing him; it seemed futile. Though sometimes, despite how she tried not to, Rey would daydream. Now _he_ was asking her if he could. It was better than a dream.

“Yes,” she whispered. Ben looked as if she’d just uttered the secret to happiness. Rey planted her hands on either side of him and shifted closer, tilting her head just a little as she leaned in. Ben watched, chest heaving just a little. She could feel his breath on her cheeks.

Rey hesitated. Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea; he was recovering. Maybe this was too much excitement, maybe they were rushing… But Ben moved before she overthought it too much, closing the slight gap between them to kiss her chastely.

His lips were a little dry, to be expected after his illness, but Rey didn’t care. All that mattered to her was that Ben was kissing her. And it was _wonderful_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: our idiots in love enjoy the pleasanter side of marriage...😉


	14. Something More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben (finally) take advantage of their marital privileges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is a Day(TM) so here's some happiness for y'all cuz I feel the need to spread it around. 
> 
> Nothing explicit here, folks, but I don't shy away from what our couple intends and their feelings/reactions. No actual sex in the chapter, though.😊

Ben recovered quickly. Within a few days he took over his usual chores, save for the mine. Rey was glad to see the color return to his cheeks and confirm that the illness hadn’t seeped his strength from him.

What’s more, he was no longer shy about showing his affection. Every morning he would place a sweet kiss to her temple before he rose and when he returned for breakfast after caring for the animals, he kissed her again on the mouth. Throughout the day he found opportunities to touch or kiss her. Rey loved every moment, appreciated every gesture he made and she reciprocated every time.

But the caresses remained chaste. Rey assumed at first that he wasn’t feeling up to anything more, as he hadn’t yet gone to the mine, either, but as a week passed and it was clear Ben was fully recovered, she wondered if she was wrong. Perhaps, she thought, he was nervous. Or worried about her.

Rey thought on this all the day that marked two weeks since Ben woke from his fever. As there was no indication he was still feeling any effects from his illness - in fact, he was strong as he ever was, Rey having seen him lift hay bales today with no trouble, along with completing his other chores and even going to the creek for a bit - she had to assume he was waiting for something else. A sign from her? He _would_ do that, the lovely idiot, even after she’d confessed to being just as eager as he.

Well, if he needed a sign, she would give it to him.

****

That night Rey decided they had both waited long enough. Dinner passed pleasantly, as it usually did. Sadie rested by the door; for some time now she’d been a bit restless, eager to go out and disappear into the woods for the whole night, though she always returned in the morning. It became a new routine when Ben went to check on the animals. As was time for him to do now.

“I’ll go close up the barn,” Ben said, like clockwork, standing up from the table and going to where she stood by the wash basin. “Be back soon.”

And he kissed her cheek but Rey, heart pounding, took his hand and grasped it tightly before he could leave. He turned back to her with a confused frown but she didn’t give him time to ask what was wrong. She didn’t give herself time to overthink and change her mind.

Rey rested a hand on his cheek and drew him back to her, pressing her lips to his in a firm kiss. Ben was obviously surprised but didn’t hesitate to return the kiss, settling a hand on her waist. His hair was soft and smooth when she ran her fingers through it, a temptation she’d long held at bay; not tonight. That simple movement had a surprising effect, causing Ben to suddenly bring his arms around her and tug her flush to him.

Rey uttered a little gasp and Ben deepened the kiss in such a way that weakened her knees. She wove her arms around his neck and kissed him for a few moments more before pulling away, panting and very flushed. For his part, Ben looked as if in a daze, his eyes glassy, lips reddened, and there was no mistaking the hardness against Rey’s hip.

“Ben,” she swallowed, throat dry, “hurry back.”

“Hurry…” he repeated, voice hoarse, though he made no effort to loosen his hold on her. His eyes drifted to her lips, his chest rising and falling in quick breaths. “I’ll hurry…”

Oh, he _was_ taken with her, wasn’t he? Rey couldn’t help but be delighted. First things first though: the animals needed to be put down for the night.

“You should go,” she urged, stepping back. Ben’s fingers trailed along her arms, raising gooseflesh beneath her sleeves, as she dropped them from his neck. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

He gave a few stilted nods and his throat bobbed. “I’ll hurry,” he said again, watching her the entire time he made his way to the door - running into a chair - as if he were afraid she’d disappear. Hand on the latch, he added, pointing at her, “you won’t move now?”

A laugh erupted from Rey’s throat. “ _Go_ so you can come back to me.”

The smile she loved so much - wide and toothy - lit his face and he nodded again. “Yes, ma’am.”

Rey grinned as the door closed behind him and did a little twirl. Had she ever been so happy? No, she decided, never. Her eyes landed on the nightgown she’d already taken out to wear then flicked to the door. Even if he rushed things, he wouldn’t be back for at least ten minutes. Time enough to get ready for bed.

****

Ben returned in exactly ten minutes. A record if there ever was one. Reywas on the bed, brushing out her hair to calm herself, when he charged through the door. His gaze fell on her and she stood, dropping the brush into the chest at the foot of the bed, as he slowly shut and latched the door behind him. Sure enough, Sadie wasn’t with him, preferring to spend her time in the clear, cool night.

But Rey was warm under Ben’s eyes. They were bright as he took her in. Even though she was in her nightgown, she had the strangest sense she might as well be completely bare. Ben joined her by the bed, hands curled into fists at his side. They stayed there; she knew he was waiting for her to make the first move. With a racing heart, Rey lifted her hands up to his shoulders and pushed at his suspenders until they dropped down his arms. She didn’t take her eyes off his and when the suspenders fell under her direction, she saw relief quickly be replaced by desire. Ben removed his arms from the suspenders but when he lifted his hands to unbutton his shirt, Rey stopped him. He froze, quizzical.

“I want to do it,” she whispered. Of course she had seen him shirtless before; he always went to sleep with his chest bare and there were countless times she’d arrived at the creek and his shirt was thrown across the old stump, and of course while he was sick. But tonight she wanted to see him revealed in her own way.

Ben gave a stilted nod. Breaths coming faster, he watched as Rey brought both hands to his collar and undid a button. She felt his eyes on her as she made her way down his shirt, to the place where the grey fabric was tucked into his trousers. He hadn’t moved a finger since she started, like he was under some sort of spell. Hers, she supposed with a thrill. Did she really have such power over him? Rey caught his eyes as her hands went to his waist; they widened and he sucked in a sharp breath when she grabbed hold of his shirt and yanked it free of his trousers.

She pushed the shirt off, down his arms, but struggled to get it off completely. Ben broke his stillness to help her, nearly tearing the shirt in his haste and making Rey laugh, which he interrupted by kissing her soundly. A groan escaped her lips as soon as his mouth landed on hers and Rey treated herself to exploring the skin now revealed, eagerly sliding her hands across his back, over his sides, up his chest, pressing into muscle corded from his work and scars, new and old, and - _oh -_ he was touching her, too. Large hands seemed to be everywhere at once, gripping her nightgown, digging into her sides, pushing her closer to him, allowing her to feel how he was affected. Between his touch and his kiss, the sensations exploding in Rey’s body were at war with each other - she couldn’t decide which she liked best. Then his lips trailed away from her mouth and down her neck and touched a spot which made her release a noise very close to a whimper that ended in his name and her fingers dug into his shoulders.

Next she knew Rey’s back hit the mattress, head to Ben’s pillow, and he was hovering above her. Something heavy hit the floor and Rey distantly recognized it was his boots being kicked off. His head descended and _thank heavens_ he repeated whatever he did before - tongue and teeth and did he suck too? - and Rey moaned, louder now. One of her husband’s hands slid down her thigh and took hold of the skirt of her nightgown, shifting it up, up, up until it was pooled around her hips. Rey allowed her knees to part, allowed him to sink between them, until - his trousers the only thing separating them - he was settled just _there_ and her eyes opened wide. But he didn’t make another move. No, instead he went still.

“You’re trembling,” he said, voice laced with apprehension, eyes expressing the same when he raised his head, his dark hair falling about his face.

“Am I?” Rey breathed and realized there was indeed a quiver through her body, as if she were cold, but she was the furthest thing from cold. “I am.”

“Is this… is it too much?” Ben asked, pained.

“No, no,” she shook her head and smiled reassuringly. “It’s… it’s wonderful. You’re wonderful. Please, Ben,” Rey had never needed something so much, never needed _someone_ so much, “please don’t stop.” He looked dubious and Rey almost growled in frustration but channeled her ire in a more productive direction and pulled him into a burning kiss. “I want this, Ben,” she whispered against his mouth. “I want _you_.”

Ben broke the kiss to catch her gaze and Rey’s breath deserted her at the vulnerability and absolute openness she saw in his eyes.

“Sweetheart, you already have me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆


	15. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A soft morning with the Solo's.

He was so gentle and slow and careful… Any lingering anxiety Rey may have had disappeared entirely, conquered by more pleasant sensations.

Like the way he gripped her thigh, how his lips moved over hers, swallowing her gasps and cries, the way he groaned when she dug her fingers into his back, how they moved together in a dance she didn’t want to end… slow, fast, then slow again.

How he held her as they fell asleep, curled around her, chest expanding into her back with a contented sigh.

Now, hours later, propped up on her elbow, she watched him doze against the dim light of the fire dying in the hearth. In all the weeks they’d been married, she hadn’t really had the chance. Or felt she had the right. But now… now it was different. Now she could appreciate how the lines on his face disappeared to leave him years younger than he was - a curious thing. Now she could smile openly at how his full mouth sort of puffed out in a pout as he exhaled.

Her eyes traveled from his face down, to the marks she’d left on his neck - she was sure she had matching ones on her own - to his broad chest, observing his powerful body as he rested. Rey blushed at the reminder of that power in the pleasant ache between her thighs.

Then she smiled. It really was lovely being Ben’s wife.

Rey leaned down and placed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. The gesture roused him and his eyes opened. A sleepy grin cracked his face.

“You’re not a dream.”

She looked at him curiously.

“I thought, when I went to sleep,” he explained quietly, one hand lazily sliding into her unbound hair, fingers sifting through the tangled locks in gentle strokes, “that you’d be gone when I woke up, because none of this can possibly be real.”

“You’re not dreaming, Ben,” Rey murmured, lowering herself so that she could kiss him again and prove it. “I’m very real.”

Ben’s smile disappeared and the kiss flared from a spark into a wildfire, burning and stealing the oxygen from Rey’s lungs.

And they once again christened their marriage bed.

****

Light danced against her closed eyes and Rey slowly blinked them open, rather put out at having her well-deserved slumber disturbed. Her arm reached behind her only to find the bed empty of her husband and she rolled over and gawked at the sight that met her stare.

For he was leaning against the open door, naked as the day he was born, staring out into the golden morning. Rey watched him for a moment, torn between laughing and calling out for him. She settled on the latter (though perhaps there was a hint of laughter in her voice).

“Ben.”

Instantly he turned, a gentle smile on his face, and came back to the bed. Rey shifted so he could lay beside her and kissed him, hand resting on his cheek.

“What were you doing?” she asked quietly. He nuzzled her throat as his arms came around her, blocking out the early chill.

“It came over me I wanted to see the dawn,” he murmured in reply. “I never cared to before.”

Rey understood what he meant. Everything seemed better now. Clearer because the final wall between them had come down. She hummed and nestled against his chest.

“Wake me up next time,” she whispered, “so we can see it together.”

“I will,” he promised.

For awhile they were content to lay together, half dozing, as the sun rose and lit the cabin through the still open door with its bright yellow rays. But the little homestead still needed care, so, despite both Rey’s reluctance and soreness, she needed to do her part. Ben was, if possible, even more reluctant, tightening his hold on her and hiding his face in her hair when she mentioned getting up. Rey shoved at him with a laugh.

“Ben! What about Sunflower?”

“The cow can wait,” he mumbled, his lips starting a slow journey down her throat.

“And the chickens?” Rey sighed and closed her eyes, fully enjoying his touch.

“Them too.”

Rey huffed. “I need to weed the garden.”

“Do it later.”

“What about the mine?”

At that Ben lifted his head and pressed a firm kiss to her lips. “Don’t care.”

Eyes opening wide in surprise, Rey pulled away and placed a palm to his forehead, much to Ben’s apparent annoyance. “No, no fever… Are you feeling alright?”

A scowl appeared between his brows. “I’m fine. I don’t _only_ think about the mine, y’know.”

“Hm.” Rey smoothed her thumb over the lines on his forehead and they eased instantly upon her touch. “It seems like it sometimes,” she added softly and he released a deep sigh.

“I can see how,” he admitted. For a few moments he gazed at her, then rose up on his elbow. He took her hand and brought it to his lips before entwining their fingers together. Rey watched him, but stayed silent, gathering the sense he had something to say.

Indeed he did.

“I wanted to do all I could to make you happy,” he explained quietly. “Since I thought you didn’t want more than friendship, I needed to make your sacrifice worthwhile. If I couldn’t give you more than companionship, I could give you comfort in some other way. Getting the gold out of that hill as quick as I could seemed like a good way to do it.”

“Oh, Ben,” Rey breathed a frustrated laugh,“We’re both terribly stupid, aren’t we?”

He blinked, clearly not expecting that response.

She took their joined hands and held them to her heart. “I should have told you when I first knew I loved you. But I made assumptions, too. Wrong ones. I couldn’t care less about the gold, my love. If you decided you were done altogether and we only grew tomatoes I would be content. As long I’m with you, I don’t care what we do.”

For a few moments he only gazed at her, a smile playing at his mouth. “You really are a miracle.”

Warmth bloomed across her cheeks and she laughed. “After all we’ve done, how is it you can still make me blush?”

“I wonder if I can find other ways…” he murmured, dipping his head and kissing her rosy cheeks before focusing his attentions elsewhere and Rey would have been glad to let him continue only the day really was getting on.

“Ben,” she gently pushed at his chest. “We need to get up.”

A heavy sigh deflated his chest and he nodded. With one last kiss to her mouth, he rolled out of bed and found his trousers. His back to her, Rey enjoyed the brief view as the muscles of his broad back contracted while he dressed.

How had she ever lucked into a man like Ben Solo? Kind, loving, and bearing a physique just like those ancient Greek statues Rey had seen drawings of in various history books. Then his shirt descended over his back and Rey accidentally - it was _entirely_ involuntary - made an indignant sound. Ben turned round with a surprised but amused expression. 

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” Rey shook her head and shoved the blankets off, revealing herself to the morning and to him. But there was no self-consciousness or embarrassment. Now they could dress together and Rey was very glad because in all honesty waiting for him to leave was a bit tedious.

Of course now he was distracted.

“Are you sure the cow can’t wait,” he asked, voice low and trembling, and Rey withheld a shiver of delight.

“Aren’t you hungry?” she countered, reaching for her chemise and pulling it over her head. Ben followed her movements closely, only one boot on. Rey pulled on a skirt, deliberately avoiding his gaze. “We need to eat.”

Her cotton blouse covering her head, Rey heard him sigh about something else he’d rather do and pulled her head through the fabric in time to see him shove his other boot on.

“What was that?” she teased, echoing him.

“I said, ‘yes, ma’am’,” he responded with a grin and straightened up to take the opportunity to kiss her once more before heading out to milk the cow. Rey would follow soon to get the eggs. But for now she hung back, taking a moment to thank Providence for giving her such a life.

* * *

Ben paused multiple times while he milked the cow, still half in a dream-state, wondering if anything that had happened over the last twenty-fourhours was real. Rey - his beautiful, wonderful, patient, stubborn, brave wife - really loved him. Of course she’d told him that weeks ago, but, somehow, it hadn’t really sunk in until she’d decided to share her _whole_ life with him. To trust him completely.

And she was more than he’d dared to dream. He couldn’t express how much he loved her, how deeply she’d burrowed into his heart, into his very soul. Maybe last night helped her know, at least a little. And he would do his best to show her from now on, in any way he could.

She was humming when she entered the barn, some sweet melody that tickled Ben’s memory but he couldn’t quite place it. The chicken coop was inside, protected from any foxes or other wily creatures who liked fresh eggs; the chickens roamed free during the day. Ben watched her, resting his head against Sunflower’s side (Rey had given that name to the creature, having decided she needed to be called something other than ‘the cow’ and sunflowers were cheerful). Rey clicked her tongue as she opened the coop, urging the chickens out. They flapped their wings in a futile attempt to lift off the ground as they scurried into the barnyard, eager for the worms and grub which appeared with the morning dew. 

When she’d filled the basket, she turned to him and smiled, sending sunshine straight into his heart, and meandered over. Ben straightened and gladly tilted his head up to meet Rey’s kiss. Her fingers stroked through his hair, sending tremors of pleasure down his spine, and he put an arm around her legs, gently urging her closer.

“Are you almost done?” she murmured as they parted, though she continued to stroke his hair. Ben nodded; he hadn’t yet removed his arm, either.

“I’ll be in soon.”

Rey granted him another brilliant smile and kissed him once more before she departed for the house. Ben didn’t take his eyes off her retreating figure until she disappeared into the cabin. Then he resumed his chore, that song of hers coming back to him and he began to hum it, too.


End file.
